"I threw my husband’s breakfast on the ground. AITA?"
I need to know if I overreacted or not, I think it was deserved but curious on what others think. Some background- I just had our second baby 3 weeks ago. We also have a freshly 2 year old. My husband works a job with a pretty rigorous schedule. He works 12 hour shifts on a 2 on and 2 off schedule (and every other weekend).
Due to his schedule I have never once asked him to wake up with me during the night. I also do all of the housework and have been doing it all since I was only 2 days postpartum. He gets like 8-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I'm a full time online college student. I also cook for him every day, I do all of the “great” wife things without complaint. I am drained and exhausted and I hardly have time to even eat, but I still carry on.
This morning was his first day off after working 3 12hr shifts in a row. I knew he was tired. We have an agreement that on days he is off he will help me with the morning routine. The morning routine with a toddler and newborn is pretty rough so it’s nice to have help sometimes.
I gently tried to wake him up this morning but he wouldn’t budge. I just accepted the fact he would be no help so I just got up and did what I normally do. I have to feed and change my newborn, pump, dress my toddler, cook breakfast for my toddler, was my pumps and bottles from the night, and pack my toddler’s preschool bag.
20 minutes before we leave, I went into our room and said “Hey sweetie, we’re leaving in 20 minutes if you want to come along” and he acknowledged me but turned over to go back to sleep.
So 20 minutes go by and I leave because I have to get my toddler to school by a certain time. I planned to drop her off and then grab my husband’s favorite breakfast and bring it home to him.
5 minutes into me driving I get a call from my husband. I answer and he immediately is mad at me. He starts saying things like “Why would you leave without me” “Why didn’t you wake me up”. I respond with “Why do I need to wake you up, you are a grown man?”.
I also said “I already have so many responsibilities on my plate, waking you up would just add to that. And to that he said “ugh here we go”. He was acting like all I do is complain about my responsibilities but I never complain to him! Even when I’m running on empty I never complain. He was just so so mean to me, I can’t even believe that was my husband on the phone.
I don’t normally get mad but I was set off. I hung up the phone and put it on silent because I didn’t want to hear it anymore. My toddler was also in the car listening and I didn’t want her to hear her dad talking to me like that.
This obviously pissed him off. I drop off my toddler and I still go pick up his breakfast for him. I thought maybe he would realize how mean he was and apologize when I got home. WRONG.
I get to our house and he COMES OUTSIDE TO CONTINUE YELLING AT ME. I simply responded with “I got you breakfast” and he said “at least you did that” with a snarky ass smirk.
So I did something that I never would ever in a million years do. I closed the car door, rolled down the window, threw the breakfast bag on the ground and said “eat trash and forget you” (well, it was worse than that) and I backed out quickly and left with our newborn.
I am currently sitting in a McDonald’s with my newborn with angry tears running down my face. I haven’t checked the messages he sent, kind of scared to. I have never said something like that to my husband, but something took over. The way he talked to me when all I do is make sure everyone is taken care of. I am so upset. Did I overreact?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - you did try to wake him, and he is the one that is overreacting. I cant blame you for being pissed at this. He needs to be better. Youre both stressed but this is not okay.
NTA but your husband is a giant one! Three weeks postpartum, I don't care what his schedule is, he should be doing his share of parenting and household chores at the very least.
Also, he isn't a toddler who needs waking. He is grown man and father and should act like one. And sweetheart, you are exhausted & are getting no support from the one person meant to be in this newborn phase with you. That's why you broke.
I hate that you sound guilty for your honest, exhausted reaction. I hate that you seem scared of what his reaction will be. I hate that you mention doing 'great wife' things 3 weeks postpartum and really hope I've misunderstood what you mean by that. Stay safe, stand up for yourself & know you have two children not three. Husband needs to man up and start behaving like a man not an additional kid.
This. He clearly doesn't understand that while he's working 12 hour shifts 2-3 days in a row with a 2 day break in between, OP is working 24 hour shifts 7 days a week with no break. So for him to then yell at her for not waking him up, absolutely not okay.
And for him to make an AH comment to her for still bringing him breakfast after cussing her out on the phone in front of their kids, it couldn't have been me. OP, you deserve better than what this "man" has to offer.
"I simply responded with “I got you breakfast” and he said “at least you did that” with a snarky ass smirk."
This right here made my jaw drop. How ungrateful can he be?
The fact that he is working 12 hour shifts is irrelevant. You work 24 hours shifts. Motherhood is a job and you never get a time off. He can sleep a bit less or when he is awake he can take on some of the chores or look after one of the kids.
He choose to be father, he needs to father these babies. There's no "Oh I can't today, you deal with it". NTA. He needs to take on more responsibilities and you need to stop babying him.
OP sounds to me like you FINALLY found your voice! Don’t lose it! Your husband needs a major wake up call. Also, stop babying him! You treat him like you’re his mother and your responsibility. He is a man child!