'AITA for telling my classmate off after she told a deaf person what I said about him?'
"AITA for telling my classmate off after she framed me as an ableist and made my semester hell?"
No-Safe9310 says:
We have a Deaf classmate. He sits in the front row with his interpreter. While I fully support accessibility, I have always found it distracting. Still, I never complained to the professor or said anything in class. One day, I vented privately to a friend and said, “I wish they sat in the back of the class. That way, it wouldn’t be so distracting for the rest of us.”
That was it. Just venting. Nothing hateful. She decided to tell him and framed it like I had a problem with him having an interpreter. She said she believes “people like him deserve to know how others really feel.”
In the next class, he confronted me in front of everyone with his interpreter and asked if I had a problem with his accommodations. I explained that I didn’t mean it that way and that I just struggle with distraction. He became very upset and said I was being ableist and had no right to make him feel like a burden for existing.
I still don’t understand why he chose to respond that way, but he delivered that last line using his voice. He normally doesn’t speak aloud. The whole situation was extremely awkward. I don’t know how to explain it without making it sound strange, but just imagine a visibly disabled person telling you that you are an ableist who made him feel like a burden, while about forty people stare at you like you are the worst person in the world.
That’s how it felt. The rest of the semester was incredibly difficult. The entire class and even some professors treated me like I was a terrible person who had bullied the disabled student. I ended up apologizing to him because I clearly hurt his feelings, even though it was unintentional. I still felt like I was put in a terrible position by my “friend.”
Yesterday, out of nowhere, she texted me to say she regrets how she handled it and wants to make it up to me. I told her to go f* herself. She said I’m immature and that I still haven’t emotionally grown. Maybe I was harsh, but she made my life miserable and portrayed me as someone I’m not. AITA?
Here are the top comments.
Horror-Challenge4277 says:
YTA. Some deaf people read lips. Easier to do that when you're closer to someone. The interpreter also needs to hear. You should always assume that when you talk s^%t about someone it's going to get back to them. Talking s^#t about someone is intentional. I think you need to spend more time using your brain and worrying about yourself.
foxfirebug says:
I’m going with NTA because I think it’s perfectly fine to confide in someone you trust when you find something distracting. He didn’t go to the teacher, he didn’t ask to have the person moved or removed, he made an off the cuff comment to a friend who escalated it into something it shouldn’t have been.
I have ADHD and I know I would find it distracting while also recognizing that it’s on ME and it’s my issue. Your friend blew it out of proportion and made it about something it was not.
MACRS_or_Break says:
ESH. Saying you think a deaf person should sit in the back of the class is… yikes. Needlessly escalating the situation by telling said deaf person is also unhinged. Seems like both of you are equally sh^#%y people, so it’s kind of beautiful that you found each other and are making each other miserable.
Radiants-Raven says:
NTA. She straight up took a private convo and twisted it just to stir the pot. You got dragged for something that didn’t need to be a public thing at all. Her apology came way too late, so yeah, telling her off is fair TBH.