I (36M) joined the Marine Reserves right out of high school. I grew up poor, did not have many options, and really wanted to go to school. I did my time, did not reenlist, and used the GI Bill to go to college. Now I have a good tech job that supports me and my wife comfortably.
I come from a huge military family. Two of my younger cousins are in for life. One of them is 25 and already going through his first divorce. Two of my uncles served more than 20 years and are retired now. Basically everyone in my family views the military as the career path.
I saw them at Thanksgiving and immediately got hit with the same comments as always. They said that I could not make it in the real Marines and that it is a shame I gave up, and they cannot believe I did not post for the Marine Corps birthday or Veterans Day. I usually ignore it, but I am tired of listening to it.
I was honest for once. I told them that I was not particularly attached to the Marines. I joined because I was poor, and I am happy to have control over my life now, to live where I want, choose my career, and not make the military my entire identity.
It was tense after that. Things were extremely awkward and none of them said goodbye when they left. Later I told my mom that I am probably not coming for Christmas. I am tired of being shamed because I did not make the military my whole life, and I do not want to spend the entire holiday biting my tongue or being judged.
She thinks I am being dramatic and disrespectful. I feel like I have put up with this for years. It feels like they can say whatever they want to me and pretty much call me a failure, but I am the bad guy for standing up for myself.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lichinah says:
NTA. It's good you've recognized that their constant criticism is making you miserable and are taking a step back.
SilentJoe1986 says:
NTA. Punching bag punched back and now they're upset.
Rightbeforepridetho says:
NTA overly military obsessed people are so cringe.
Turbulent_Smile8533 says:
Aren't family holidays and get togethers supposed to bring people together? Kind of weird how they are pushing you away from them and then shaming you for not wanting to be around them.