'AITA for telling my friend she should go and see a therapist instead of making me do it?'
"AITA for telling my friend she should go and see a therapist instead of making me be one?"
Lickawall483 writes:
I (30F) have been friends with "Kate" (29F) for nearly 20 years. I live in a different country from Kate, and the time difference is about 5–6 hours (I moved when I was a teenager), so this is not a recent change. I also need to add that at the moment I cannot travel back to my home country and be safe there.
Over the past few years, Kate seems to have developed some mental health issues, which became significantly worse after she gave birth to her first child late last year. She genuinely comes across as if she is spiraling.
To give you an idea, she will send me 40 messages in the span of 10 minutes or several paragraphs of text, and if I do not respond within a minute, she begins calling and crying or sending voice messages saying she cannot do this anymore.
This can happen at any time of day, including when I am sleeping or working. I have tried turning my phone off, but she then contacts my family members, making it sound like something may have happened to me, which causes them to worry as well.
This behavior started about two years ago, and I am honestly exhausted. I have gone to therapy myself and shared some strategies with her for managing anxiety, but Kate seems to be getting worse. She becomes incredibly angry when I do not have an immediate solution to “fix her” or explain what is wrong with her.
A bit about Kate: her family is extremely wealthy. She can easily afford a brand new sports car without it making a noticeable dent in her finances. She has a loving family, a husband, and a full staff of helpers ranging from a personal nail technician to three nannies who care for her child around the clock.
I mention this only to show that she could easily afford a good therapist. Last weekend, I snapped. I told her I was tired of her behavior and that she really needs to see a proper therapist because her situation is very concerning.
I explained that I am available to talk when she needs me, but I am not a therapist and she must address her issues professionally before they get even worse. Kate called me an asshole, accused me of not supporting her, and has been telling our mutual friends that she was just “venting” to me and I cut her off.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CrashBmo says:
NTA. You’re her friend, not her therapist, and she’s putting way too much pressure on you. Wanting her to get actual help doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you do. She clearly has the resources for therapy, so it’s on her to take that step, not you to burn yourself out.
sickandopinionated says:
NTA You could've possibly worded things nicer to her or brought it more as a concern, but from your story it sounds like she's truly got some severe mental health issues going on. And calling and texting you all hours of the day won't help that.
She sounds like she indeed needs a good therapist and as long as you're not telling her that to just get rid of her, but because you're genuinely concerned about her, that's not an bad move at all.
OP responded:
I have phrased it significantly gentler before, but it was ignored so I felt i had to be blunt and the phone call happened at 4am too.
Low-Television-7508 says:
Alert her family, forward some of the messages she sends. Someone physically close needs to get involved before she hits bottom. NTA.