'AITA for telling my loser MIL to not move closer to us because she can't make friends?'

"AITA for telling my MIL she shouldn’t move to be closer to her grandchild?"

qwerty452387 writes:

First-time mom with the only grandchild in the family on both sides. I have been with my husband for eight years, and we have a two-month-old. We live multiple states away from his family, requiring them to either drive 18 hours or take expensive, long-layover flights to visit us.

From the beginning, my husband and I have had a rocky relationship with my MIL. She struggles to understand and respect boundaries, even moving once—years ago—leaving her husband to live where my husband and I were.

It didn’t work out due to boundary issues and her expectation that we would spend all our free time with her. She is not social enough to make friends in a new place and doesn’t like to leave the house unless she is with people she knows. Before my husband moved to our current state, they already had relationship issues, so this has been going on for a looooong time.

Now, we have the first grandchild in the family. She is still with the husband she previously left, but now she wants to leave him again to move here and be closer to our child. When she visited after the baby was born, she did very unsafe things with him—laying him on the couch unsupervised, not supporting his head while holding him, and suggesting we give him water (which can be deadly for newborns).

Since leaving, she has continued suggesting unsafe practices, such as having him sleep with a stuffed animal or blanket, letting him sleep in his car seat overnight, and putting cereal in his milk (which he is far too young for). Each time, she defended her actions and suggestions while criticizing our concerns and requests. Honestly, I don’t know how she didn’t kill my husband when he was a baby.

When she told us she wanted to move here again, we strongly discouraged her, giving multiple reasons why it was a bad idea—she cannot afford it, she didn’t like living here the first time, and we need our space to grow as a family.

We also reminded her how difficult it was for us to be her only support system. Not only does she want to move here, but she also wants to live in the same apartment complex as us to be as close to the baby as possible. She actually cried when she saw that an apartment next to us, which had been vacant for some time, was finally rented out.

There are so many other layers to her behavior around us and our child that I won’t even get into because this post is long enough. However, she does have a history of alcoholism, and from what other family members say, she still drinks daily, which makes me even more uncomfortable having her so close to us. So… AITA for telling my MIL not to move here to be closer to the baby?

Here are the top rated comments.

No_Noise_5733 says:

You may need to bluntly tell her if she moves near you, you will move and leave no forwarding address.

WhereWeretheAdults says:

NTA. I think this is a serious case of "emotional spouse." She actually left her real spouse and moved to be near your husband, yeah, that's creepy. Now she wants to move again because of grandkid. Has she started ramping up the "My kid" rhetoric yet?

I would treat her for what she is, a stalker in a mom suit. You can't stop her from moving wherever she desires. You can seriously limit any and all interactions with her as you can control who is in your home and when.

GothPenguin says:

NTA-Your husband should be the primary one telling her no but keep telling her no.

chrisrevere2 says:

Tell her she is welcome to move, but that won’t result in seeing your child more often.

What do you think?