'I told my mom how jealous I am of my half-siblings and now she won't stop crying.' UPDATED

The truth stings, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't tell it when needed.

In a popular post on the True Off My Chest subreddit, a teen asked if he was wrong for telling his mom his real feelings about her having another kid. He wrote:

"I told my mom how jealous I am of my half-siblings and now she won't stop crying."

I told my mom how jealous I am of my half-siblings and now she won't stop crying I (16m) was born to my mom when she was 15 and I've never known by real dad. My mom didn't drop out of school or anything and the year after I was born, she started dating Jack and when they went to university, I obviously got left behind with my grandparents.

Mom and Jack got good degrees, got married and moved to a city by Vancouver. My mom's always been in my life, she would still come home every weekend just to cuddle with me and would always give me these nicknames but calling me her special guy would be her favourite one. She'd always bring me back presents and gifts and spend the whole time playing with me.

She's the one who paid for my tutoring and after school stuff and would try and make it to games and stuff like that. Jack wouldn't always come with her, but it was always fun when he would. He's taken me fishing with him a lot of times and we even went camping for two weeks together once (but never again because I hate camping).

But when I was ten, my mom and Jack had a daughter and then another girl three years ago. I don't really know them, especially because my mom stopped coming over as much after they were born. We don't cuddle anymore, we did on my birthday but that's it.

No more cute nicknames for me except for special guy (it's like they all got transferred to her daughters), no more gifts and the worst part is she doesn't come to my games anymore. It was okay with me before because they still had a spare room in their house and I could go there when it's time for university.

Yesterday, my mom FaceTimed and she had the big announcement that she was going to have another baby and it was a boy and now she'd have two special guys. I guess she saw how sour my face was because she asked what's wrong.

I don't know, I just admitted how jealous I was that her daughters got her so much and now her son was going to get her and there wouldn't even be space for me there when I had to go to university. And I guess what I said affected her because she started crying and wouldn't stop and had to hang up.

My grandparents are mad that I made her upset and think I don't value them now or something. Jack phoned me and he's mad because my mom thinks it's a mistake now to have another kid and also mad at me because he was like why would I ever think they wouldn't have room for me.

I feel like I really messed up telling her that and here I am at school, writing about it on Reddit because I can't stop thinking about it.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Sh*tonyourmama wrote:

Why couldn’t you move back once she graduated and started another family? She can’t have her cake and eat it too.

OP responded:

She told me that everybody and a child psychologist that I don't really remember advised her to leave me with my grandparents because they were all I'd known and it might do more damage to take me away. And she said she is going to pay for my university, she and Jack showed me the savings account that they have set aside for my tuition.

finallygavein wrote:

I don’t know why all the adults in your life are blaming you, a child, for your very valid feelings about this. They should be trying to make you feel more comfortable and included, rather than try to smother your genuine feelings. Your mom feels bad because she should. She’s in her 30s now. There’s no reason why she can’t be around you more.

Sandi375 wrote:

She's crying because she feels guilty about her behavior, and she knows you're right. You deserve better.

Current_Incident wrote:

Your feelings are completely valid.

If it hit a nerve with your mum, it's not your fault. Plus, pregnancy hormones can sometimes make us women extra emotional.

I'm sorry the adults in your life are making you feel like this. Maybe start by sitting down with your grandparents first and tell them how much you appreciate them and give some examples but explain that that doesn't stop you also wanting more of a relationship with your mum...just try and explain it all.

If it helps you to not have to think of things off the top of your head, maybe write it all out, give them a letter and tell them you want to talk about it afterwards...and then hopefully they can help you through the situation with you mum and step-dad. If you're at school now, can you try and find a friendly teacher or counselor you trust to chat it all through with before you go home? Good luck!

OP responded:

I tried talking to my grandparents about it yesterday but they just went into a rant about all the things they've done for me that I should be grateful for. And it's not like I'm not grateful. I get them things for mother's day and father's day and valentine's day and everything else. They were also like when I'm a parent I'll understand that all my mom's done is put me ahead.

AggravatingPatient18 wrote:

So they are making it about them, rather than focusing on your issue with their daughter. They've collapsed the issue and they see your issues with your mother as reflecting badly on their sacrifice. When you're a parent you will indeed understand what your mother has done. Very clearly.

OP responded:

I guess so. I mean they're really old fashioned and they had my mom really late and have talked about how they spoiled her and how she was their favourite out of all their kids. So I just don't know how to reach out to them because they're always really defensive of my mom.

AggravatingPatient18 wrote:

She's crying because she knows it's true. They are going to renege on having room for you to live when you go to college. At best you'll be sleeping with your baby half brother. Your mother's a deadbeat.

There is no reason why she didn't take custody of you the moment she finished university. I just hope she's at least prepared to financially support you through your tertiary education but I expect she'll plead poverty with her second family.

OP responded:

She told me that everybody and a child psychologist that I don't really remember advised her to leave me with my grandparents because they were all I'd known and it might do more damage to take me away. And she said she is going to pay for my university, she and Jack showed me the savings account that they have set aside for my tuition.

In another comment, OP revealed he doesn't know his bio father.

I don't know anything about my real dad. I asked my grandparents before when I was younger and they just got mad and told me not to ask. When I was 13, I tried to talk to my mom but she got really sad and just said she wasn't ready yet and to give her some time. I did think about asking her again about him but I didn't want her to be sad again so I haven't.

A few days later, OP jumped on with an update.

So I posted on Friday at school and when I came home, my mom and Jack and their kids were already there talking to my grandparents. As soon as my mom saw me she gave me such a big hug she actually lifted me up for a second (which is weird cause I am taller than her now) and then wouldn't stop kissing me on the face and telling me she loves me.

I said hi to everyone and my grandparents had my mom take me into my room to talk to me alone. In my room she told me she was sorry that I felt like she'd been paying me less attention and that a new baby isn't going to replace me and I'd always be her special guy. I started crying so we weren't able to talk until I calmed down and then Jack came in and joined us.

I just admitted that I felt like I wasn't that important to my mom anymore and if they were having a boy then there would be no point in them taking me when it's time for university. And then Jack left cause he kind of started crying hearing me say that and that was weird.

My mom told me that she wanted to take me when I was 13 and going into high school because she thought that was the best time to do it. Except she argued with my grandparents about it a lot and they said it was best if I stayed with them. Then when my mom took me to a game, she saw how much fun I was having with my friends and thought they were right.

When I said I wanted to go to SFU she and Jack were happy because it meant I would be with them when I graduated. When I asked about the spare room that was meant to be mine, she admitted that they hadn't thought about what would be the baby's room and would have to figure something out since they aren't giving up my room.

My mom told me she'd come and take me every weekend because she said it was wrong that she started paying less attention to me but thought it was okay because I was independent and had my grandparents.

She said that she wanted me to spend my breaks with them as well. I don't want to leave my high school but my mom said I could do that for my grad year if I wanted to move in with them earlier. I did have a talk with Jack too and he told me that he was glad I confessed everything and that his parents got mad at him for him not telling me that when he called me.

We did all have a fun weekend together (except my grandparents cause they don't leave the house cause of COVID) and I do want weekends to keep being like that. I don't know if I'm allowed to keep doing updates here so this might be the only one. But hopefully this will help calm down everyone who keeps messaging this account for one.

The internet was fully in OP's corner.

UcUcUc123123 wrote:

So proud of you OP. You advocated for yourself and spoke about your feelings and needs which is not an easy thing to do! You also spoke about your future thoroughly and were able to plan to what's best for you. :) I am happy for you and I am glad that they had this much needed wake up call. Also love that Jack's parents handed him a reality check. 😂

Him crying might just be because he is upset at himself and feeling guilty. No way to know for sure unless he says it. But one thing for sure- they all love you very much and care about you and your wellbeing. :)

Can't wait for you to enjoy SFU with them and be a great big brother and a role model to your little bro. It's really special to see them grow up and he will love you loads and look up to you. :)

OP responded:

I've always loved Jack's parents. They went to school with my oldest aunt so they've always been close to our family and always get me the best gifts for Christmas. They didn't say but I'm pretty sure they're the ones who told Jack to buy me a PS5 for my birthday.

Signal_Historian_456 wrote:

I’m so happy for you and really hope they keep their word. The fact that you say “their kids” instead of “your sisters” or “half-sisters” broke my heart. I have a half-sister myself and always saw her as my sister even though there’s been hard phases and she was gone for pretty long times when I was a child.

Don’t mean you should feel like that too, but that you don’t see them as any kind of sisters is really really sad.. I hope for the 3 of you that you’ll be able to bond and can build a relationship.🤍

OP responded:

I don't know why I do that. I didn't even think about it as I wrote it like that. I know they're my sisters but I guess I didn't really think about them like that. Hopefully you're right we'll all become close.

shantheman99 wrote:

Sounds like your grandparents may have been struggling to let you go. Be careful of that. Of course go back to your mom, but your gp may cause problems. And obviously idk them, so i could be totally wrong.

OP responded:

I guess. Even if I don't go with her full time until university at least I know she's going to bring me over whenever she can now.

Gideon9900 wrote:

I'm starting to think there may be something your grandparents don't want you to know. They went against your mother taking you back when you were 13. Why would they do that? And what's the issue with grandparents getting angry about you asking about your father? There are some secrets, you are more than old enough to know them.

OP responded:

I don't really care about asking about my dad. I could have asked my mom about him a long time ago but I don't think it's important and all it's going to do is make her sad.

evicky100 wrote:

I am so so happy to hear this update, I have worried about you ever since your post. I have children your age and actually sobbed reading your post and went home and hugged my boys for as long as they would let me. Please keep us updated as I am so excited to hear about the amazing relationship you are going to build with your mum Jack and siblings. Xx

Hopefully, OP's mom keeps her word.