'AITA for wanting to leave my mom because I'm an affair baby and she wants her old family back?'
"AITA for telling my mom I can't wait to leave her without any of her kids?"
RoundFunny671 writes:
My mom cheated on her ex-husband, which made him leave her. I was born from the affair, and her ex-husband wanted nothing to do with me—which I completely understand! I do! They had four kids together who were 7 to 14 when I (17F) was born.
My mom made me think he was my dad for years, and she tried to get him to take care of me. She got even pushier with it because their kids rejected me. They rejected her too, but me worse than that they rejected her, really.
She’d try to force her ex and his family—like his parents and siblings—to interact with me. That was during her other kids’ sports games and stuff. She’d drag me along, and she’d try to sit with them and lead conversations. All it did was make me feel like s^$t because he couldn’t hide his disgust for me, and his family didn’t hide theirs either.
Another thing is my name. She gave me an Italian first name to go with our Italian last name, which is her ex’s last name. Two of their other kids have Italian names he chose, and the other two have non-Italian names chosen by my mom.
She has admitted she wanted to try and shame him into taking care of me. And she has used my name to try and make it believable that he’s my real dad—not just with me, but with other people. She would say he was my dad and abandoned me because I was so young, and he wanted to be done with her faster.
When her other kids stopped talking to her, she would take me to her ex’s house and fuss at him for letting me get left behind. Sometimes, when she did that, the police were called. Other times, he and their kids would stand there arguing, and over and over, I was called “the affair kid,” and it got to me. I cried at times, and even then, my mom would stand there and argue.
My mom did give up, but she still tells people I’m his. She even says I have his name, and my first name is one he chose, from his culture and his family. It bothers me so much that she won’t let it go. I have no extended family in my life either. I don’t know my mom’s family, and I never could find my dad online—if that’s even the right guy she eventually gave me the name of my alleged father.
She’s moped about her kids not talking to her and how she’s a grandma who doesn’t know her grandkids, and how most of her kids have left her. She told me we should be closer, but I act like I don’t like her.
I asked her how she could be surprised, and I told her I can’t wait to leave her without all of her kids. I said she doesn’t deserve to have me stick around when she uses me as a pawn. She got really mad and yelled at me. She pointed out how she’s all I have, which is true. AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
Ok_Consideration1284 says:
NTA and your almost 18. Maybe you should choose your own new name (first and last). Have it legally changed as soon as you can.
OP responded:
I like that idea a lot! Maybe even a new last name.
bramblefish says:
NTA, when you can, try DNA test, maybe find your dad - maybe? He will want to know you, maybe better than your mom, if not at least you can close that door on wondering. Sorry your ma has been less than you deserve, never let that hold you back.
OP responded:
When I'm a little older I do want to do that.