'AITA for telling my siblings that they need to get parents and not bother me?'
AITA for telling my younger siblings I'm not their dad and they need to stop acting like I'm their parent?
Future-Kiwi5361 writes:
My parents had me (22m) at 19, and I was an only child for 6 years. Then they had three kids back to back who are now 16, 15, and 14. My parents were never the most attentive, but they did a better job with my younger siblings than they did with me. At some point, while my siblings were still really young, they started to come to me like I was an adult instead of going to mom or dad, and mom and dad let it happen.
They were still there, but my siblings would ask me to make them food, ask me for money (I had none back then), ask me to help with homework, or come to me if they struggled with their chores. It got annoying very quickly, and I asked my parents to step in so I wasn't always saying no or dealing with a sibling throwing a tantrum because I wasn't acting more like an adult in the house who was there to do stuff for them.
My parents were there for the basics, and if my siblings didn't come to me, they'd deal with stuff, but otherwise, they seemed glad not to have to do all the parenting. They still weren't as good with me as they were with my siblings.
It was things like prioritizing supporting my siblings instead of me, or making a big effort for their birthdays but not mine. Christmas was another time it was super obvious because my siblings got gifts they wanted, and I got needed stuff like hygiene products, socks, and underwear.
I brought it up to my parents when I was 15, and they used the excuse that they had me at 19, so they just didn't know how to connect with me the same way and didn't have the means to provide for me like they did for my siblings.
When I learned how to drive and started working, my siblings' reliance on me got worse. They wanted me to drive them places, give them money, take them to school and pick them up, buy birthday gifts for their friends, and take them shopping.
My youngest sibling even asked me to be a parent chaperone on a field trip when I was only 16. It was suffocating, and my siblings could not be spoken to about it. They just wanted me to be the dad. They even called me dad sometimes.
I was desperate to get out, and COVID almost messed it up, but I was lucky my girlfriend's family let me move in with them. Once I left, I tried to better enforce my boundaries and create distance, but they still wanted me there, and they'd cry on the phone about me leaving and not being there for stuff.
Now that my siblings are teens, I tried to talk to them about it again, but my sister (16) said I had to do these things because I'm supposed to. I asked her why I was supposed to, and she said, "Because you're basically our dad." My brothers agreed.
I admit it pissed me off, and I told them in a firm and angry tone that I am not their dad and they need to stop acting like I'm their parent because I'm their sibling—the oldest, sure, but I'm not their parent, and I'm not responsible for them. They said I was an a^& and that I should like taking care of them. AITA?
Here are the top comments:
ShokoMaki76 says:
They were 19 when they didn't know any better way to raise you. What is their excuse now? Stand up for yourself and call out your parents for basically forcing a parent role on you. Your siblings are not completely innocent but they are not the assholes either, your parents are. You will need to sit them down and explain clearly why your family dynamics are not okay and why you can't meet their needs like they want you to.
OP responded:
Being the oldest is basically the excuse. And I have called them out but they don't give a sh%t.
LouisV25 says:
Now it's time to tell them "No, go ask your parents."
OP responded:
Oh, I tried that, they just keep expecting me and don't have the same expectations of our parents.
No-Albatross-7984 says:
NTA (Not the A^&*ole). Your siblings need therapy. You might need some, too. For yourself, and for finding a constructive way to communicate with them. Moving out was a good call, take care of yourself and consider how you want to move forward at your own pace.
OP responded:
I had some therapy. Didn't really help me get through to my siblings. I don't think they want to hear it so they block it out.
What do you think?