'AITA for telling my sister it's her lies that caused her daughter to be in pain?'
"AITA for telling my sister if she hadn't lied to her daughter then her daughter wouldn't be hurting?"
SilentSwarmin writes:
This happened Saturday when my family were gathered for a pre-Mother's Day dinner. My sister was complaining about her husband's two kids (19 and 20) and how her daughter (9) was heartbroken that neither stepsibling would give her the time of day, let alone acknowledge her as a sister.
She told me, my mom, and our other two sisters that her daughter had so much excitement to have older siblings and it was crushed, and her daughter was a shell of the kid she was.
My mom suggested getting her in to see a child psychologist and maybe explaining that they aren't actual siblings and how that might help. My sister told her she would do no such thing, that they are real siblings because they are blended through marriage, and not accepting that is s^&*ty on the part of the kids.
I told my sister if she hadn't lied to her daughter for more than a year, then maybe her daughter wouldn't be hurting today. My sister went the route of "who asked you," and my mom and sisters said she was venting to us and we were trying to help.
And that ultimately I was correct. Mom said there could be some sadness, but not like my niece feels right now. My sister said I was being a judgmental b*&@h. For those wondering the background: My sister was a single mom to her daughter for 5 years when she met her husband. Her husband had lost his wife 18 months prior to that.
They dated for more than a year before my sister decided she wanted to meet his kids and see how they'd take to blending families. She told everyone at the time she didn't want to bring her daughter into a family that wouldn't embrace her.
Her husband's kids were extremely angry that their dad was dating and with someone else. They hated my sister and refused to even talk to her. My sister decided there was hope, and she told her daughter she was seeing someone and he had kids and she'd have an older brother and sister and they'd be a family.
How her siblings were almost grown but that meant sleepovers and they'd drive her places and be able to bring her to do cool stuff. She was told over and over by my sister that these two would adore her. This went on for several months before everyone met and moved in together, and then my sister married her husband.
Her husband's kids did not want to know my niece, and they rejected any kind of relationship and moved out as soon as they possibly could. She lived with them for a small period of time. But she had hopes, and she got attached despite them wanting nothing to do with her.
Now she's feeling that rejection and she's withdrawn, she cries a lot, and she has asked almost everyone why her brother and sister didn't want her and how she always wanted a sibling. It's been over a year and this is still upsetting her.
She hears her stepdad talk to his kids and they never want to speak to her. He tried to bring her along to spend time with his kids, and his kids left the second they saw she was brought along.
He stopped that once he realized it was making things worse. But my sister has decided it's all her husband's kids' fault and how could they do that when her daughter is their sister now whether they like it or not. She ignores the fact she met them to see how they'd take it, saw they didn't want the situation, and still promised her daughter siblings.
Back to Saturday, and my sister left with her husband and daughter because she was mad at us. She told me I only tried to make her feel like s$^t and it wasn't helpful. And she said I owe her the biggest apology for blaming her for any of this. AITA?
OP responded to some comments.
AdAccomplished6870 says:
YTA. Even if your sister handled it wrong on the front end, how was your comment even remotely constructive and helpful?
OP responded:
Because she needs to face up to what she did instead of blaming her husband's kids and doing nothing to help her daughter.
Big_Insurance_3601 says:
Your sister LITERALLY saw how angry the kids were at their dad dating, and she took that as acceptance?! She’s the one who needs therapy!!! NTA!!!! Your sister is more concerned about her needs than her child’s clearly.
OP responded:
She saw potential for whatever reason. Even when she talked about how they were while they were dating it sounded like a recipe for disaster. Like if the kids are so mad at you guys dating how do you expect them to come around to you marrying and saying here's a new sibling.