'AITA for kicking my BIL's ex-wife off the Spotify family plan so I can add myself?'

"AITA for removing my sister-in-law from the family Spotify plan?"

Toasted_Lizard writes:

I got married a couple of weeks ago, and we are in the process of merging our finances. This includes going through all of our subscriptions to reduce redundancy and sync our bills. While doing so, we realized that my husband’s brother’s ex-wife is still on his Family Spotify Plan. Because she is, we cannot add me.

My husband started the family plan about six years ago for himself and his two older brothers. It allows him to have four separate accounts, and the cost per account is lower than paying for them individually.

When the plan was created, each brother got an account and the last account went to the middle brother’s wife. The plan is under my husband’s name, so he is the administrator. He gets billed annually and the others reimburse him for their share.

At the time, this made perfect sense. They all saved some money, the middle brother was the only one with a spouse, and although my husband and I had been together for about a year, I was about to start grad school so I could still get the student pricing. I had no reason to join the plan then.

Now, it makes less sense. I am out of school, we are married, and the middle brother got divorced about a year and a half ago. We can easily afford to keep my separate Spotify account, but we also realized the ex never reimbursed my husband when the plan renewed this year. We agreed it made more sense to remove her and add me in order to simplify our subscriptions.

So that is exactly what my husband did. He deactivated her account, added mine, and texted his middle brother to let the ex know. We did not text her directly because she became extremely volatile during the divorce, so the brother asked our whole family not to contact her directly. All communication with her was supposed to go through a specific moderated messaging app that their lawyers recommended.

This has caused a family conflict. The middle brother is angry with us because he feels we are forcing him to have another fight with his ex just so we could save a little money. It is true that she will likely be upset by this.

He also feels she “deserves” to stay on the plan because they were together for a long time, longer than my husband and I. We can see how it is difficult for him to reach out to his ex and inevitably upset her.

On the other hand, the oldest brother agrees with us. She cannot stay on the family plan forever just to avoid conflict. It is healthier to sever these last ties, and since she chose to leave the marriage, she gave up family-related benefits.

There are also logical reasons for me to join the plan now. So, internet strangers, am I the a^#%&le for asking to join my husband’s Family Spotify Plan, and thereby forcing his brother to have a conflict with his ex?

People had thoughts on OP's Spotify conduct.

Meowth_the_kitten says:

She wasn't paying for the plan sooooo she shouldn't be on it. Her leaving the family is also a good reason to kick her off but harsher to say! NTA.

IllustriousBowler259 says:

This is fairly straightforward: you say she hasn't paid her share this year. So, she loses the right to be kept on the plan. Her ex (the brother) has told everyone not to contact her directly. You're not forcing him to get into a fight: he's created this bottleneck. He has my sympathy but he's wrong about her deserving anything. I can't blame him for not wanting to deal with her but he's not paying her share, either. NTA.

huntthewind1971 says:

NTA. She's no longer family and she's not paying. She has no say. I wouldn't even inform her about the change let her find out on her own. If she pitches a fit tell the brother just to tell her simply that it's a family plan, she's no longer family. No further explanation is needed. It's up to him if he wants to placate her, but that's not on you. Not your monkey, not your zoo.

KaliTheBlaze says:

NTA. Your ex sister-in-law is no longer family. And honestly, even if they hadn’t divorced, why should your husband have to give his brother’s wife preferential treatment over his own wife? There’s a limited number of accounts, and it makes sense for you two to get the most benefit since it’s your account.

What do you think?