'AITA for walking my daughter down the aisle despite her sister protesting it?'
"AITA for walking my daughter down the aisle even though my other daughter was against it?"
I (46M) have four kids, one from a previous relationship and the other three with my wife. I never knew about my first daughter until ten years ago when she was 16. Her mother died, and she and CPS reached out to me. I had no clue she existed.
She explained everything, and we did a DNA test, and she was indeed my daughter. I of course took her in. My wife protested at first, but I told her I was not throwing my own daughter into the system, even if I did not know she existed. I know multiple people who were foster care kids and they all said it was horrible.
I spent a lot of time bonding and getting to know her. At first she was withdrawn and seemed scared, and I understood, because she had just lost her mom. But she opened up to me and we became really close.
At first she either called me by my name or father, but she started calling me dad about eight months after living with me. I had been a dad for well over a decade, but hearing it from her felt special.
My wife and kids never really liked her or her staying with us, but I told them she was as much my family as they were, and that as long as I was alive this was her house too. At 18 she moved away for college. She was a very smart girl and earned many scholarships.
I had not saved as much for her as for my other kids because I only had two years to do it without my wife’s help, but I still helped her out of pocket as much as I could. She was always thankful and even got a part time job at the coffee shop at her college. I was always proud of her.
She is now a lawyer working in a big law office with a great salary. As soon as she started making real money, she offered to pay me back for everything and I refused to take a single cent. While she was in college, she met a nice young man, they fell in love, and they just got married last week.
She asked me to walk her down the aisle, which I happily accepted. But my wife and daughter completely flipped out. They said I should not walk her down because my other daughter was the first daughter in my life and she deserved to be the first one I walked down the aisle.
I told them that was not true, that I loved them both the same, that they were both my daughters, and that my oldest deserved to have her dad on her big day. They kept arguing, and we had many fights about it.
They even argued with my daughter, and she ended up uninviting both of them. I honestly did not blame her. I went to the wedding, walked my daughter down the aisle, and gave her away. We had a father daughter dance, and she even dedicated part of her speech to me and talked about how much she loved me. It made me cry.
Now they are still angry that I even went to the wedding at all, let alone walked her down the aisle. I called them unreasonable for wanting me to miss my own daughter’s wedding and I called them selfish. Neither of them is speaking to me right now. Was I in the wrong for not abandoning my daughter, who only has me as family?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Zyrilleeeee says:
Your wife and daughter aren’t mad about tradition, they’re mad that you showed up for the child they chose to resent. You did exactly what a real father should do, and she deserved every bit of that moment with you.
froggy_294 says:
NTA. She is your daughter. Just because she came into your life later does not mean that she is less deserving of your love and attention. You should ask your wife how she would want her daughter to be treated, if she were in the same situation as the mother of your daughter who past away. They need to suck it up.
Throwaway_Ack0unt says:
NTA. That’s your daughter man. You’re doing the right thing by showing up as a father.
OP responded:
Yeah, didn’t wanna ruin her big day for drama.