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'AITA for walking out on my sister after she announced that her life is terrible at my B'day?'

'AITA for walking out on my sister after she announced that her life is terrible at my B'day?'


"Was it wrong to walk out of a make up party my parents threw for me after my sister stole the show for herself?"

Character_Listen_262 writes:

My (24F) whole life, I have been told that the day I was born was the worst day in our family because it was also the day my sister was diagnosed with cancer. This was mentioned many times when I was growing up, and it always made me feel weird.

My family hated celebrating my birthday and would often ignore my actual birthday, choosing a new date to celebrate me. Normally, it was a few weeks after my actual birthday. This was because the day held "no happy memories" for them.

During my 10th birthday party (not close to my actual birthday but another late celebration to make everyone happy), my parents and sister announced that my sister's cancer had returned and she was undergoing more treatment. All celebration died, and I had to send my friends home.

When I turned 16, my friends decided to throw me a party to celebrate me on my actual birthday (it was a Saturday that year). My best friend's parents helped them organize it. My sister wasn't invited but decided to show up and started telling everyone she had another cancer scare three weeks before.

My best friend's parents tried to keep her occupied, but she said she wanted to be there to celebrate me. However, all she did was share almost bad news. When I graduated high school, my sister announced her engagement had ended, and she cried the whole time. My family decided to cancel the party they had booked for after because my sister needed comfort.

I finally spoke to my parents a few months ago and told them how awful it made me feel to have these things happen, especially the ongoing reminder that the day I was born was the worst day of their lives. I asked them if they realized how awful it feels to know your family can't find any happiness that you were born and that you're reminded of that your whole life.

They apologized and said they felt so bad. They told me they would throw me a graduation party to congratulate me for my achievements. I also spoke to my sister, but she was less receptive to considering my feelings.

Despite some reservations, I went because my parents appeared to be trying to do better. But then my sister showed up and announced she'd had a miscarriage to everyone, and the party died as the focus went to her. Her husband told me I should make non-family leave because my sister needed family around her.

So I left. It took people two hours to notice, and when they did, they were all asking what the hell I thought I was doing leaving like that. My sister cried down the phone to me that she thought I, above everyone, would support her. She asked how I could be so cold. AITA?

Here are the top comments:

GapApprehensive3184 says:

Sorry you are the glass child and even when they try to make it up to you they look right through you and sont aee you have left. You sister has proven she is an attention seeker. You parent have proven that she will always come first.

She didnt need to come, she didn't need to make her announcement and her husband should have kept his mouth shut deciding who gets to stay at your party. NTA (Not the A^@^ole) the fact they didnt notice for 2 hours that you had left says everything.

Dont invite sister or parents to any other important celebrations. Make sure you post a happy birthday to yourself every year on your actual birthday highlighting that your birth might not have been important for others but it is special for you and you will celebrate it.

Successful_Bath1200 says:

NTA. I am probably going to get slammed for this. Your family have ruined every birthday and event for you. A miscarriage is a terrible thing and I sympathise with your sister for that.

Maybe it is time to reduce contact with them and never invite them to any event that is supposed to be for you. Your Sister is an attention seeker, she could have waited till the next day with her announcement or told your parents away from your party so as not to ruin it again. I hope you told her why you left and why you were cold to her. She has ruined every significant event for you!

LittleBeast987 says:

Obviously the birth/cancer diagnosis wasn’t intentional but everything subsequently has been. It’s attention seeking behavior. It is her currency and you are her source. She gets a serotonin boost from doing this to you.

This is deep-seated and cannot be fixed with a quick chat with your parents. My advice is establish and protect your friend group and keep it entirely separate from your family. Your family will take anything that is yours and give it to her to appease/assuage guilty feelings associated with having a sick child. You are a "Glass Child."

They will never prioritize your health (mental,physical) over hers. They do not even recognize they are doing it. Get away and start building your own support system. (Not saying cut them off, but their behavior is toxic and damaging to you). Take them in very small doses. Remember behavior is a pattern. They absolutely WILL keep doing this to you.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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