Naive-Rope-9794 writes:
My wife and I are both 27. We got married at 21 (I know that's young). We never wanted kids and had agreed on that. In August, my wife's sister and her husband died. Since then, we have been taking care of their kids (6 and 3).
She is the godmother to the 6-year-old, and I’m the godfather to the 3-year-old. We had a really good relationship with their parents—her husband was my pub/football buddy, etc.
Recently, we were asked about our intentions regarding the kids, which led to a huge fight. She wants to put them in care, but I don’t. Financially, we are in a great position—no debt, we own our home (inherited), I have a successful business, and she has been very successful in her job.
She said she doesn’t want to be tied down to kids. I told her it wouldn’t have been my first choice either, but they are family. She responded, "I knew you’d change your mind on kids." I said, "I didn’t change my mind—the circumstances changed."
I asked if she felt any sense of duty toward them, and she said no. She believes they’ll find a family—maybe one with kids already—that will be better for them. I asked, "And what if they don’t? What if they end up with a family that isn’t great?"
She said, "I’m not taking care of them. The ball’s in your court." I asked if she was 100% certain, and she said yes. I was honestly shocked and told her I’d never been more disappointed in her. She said, "Likewise."
We have never argued before—aside from playful debates over what show to watch. Now, we aren’t even talking. We still give each other a morning kiss and cuddle, but that’s about it.
Selfishly, a tiny part of me wonders if she would feel any responsibility toward me if something happened to me. I know that’s unfair, but I also find her stance incredibly heartless. The eldest still cries many nights—you can see the sadness in him. To just say, "Into care you go—au revoir," is mind-blowing to me. For balance: I do love her, and she is a great woman. AITAH?
IamtheRealDill says:
Why would she agree to be the godmother (and OP to be godfather) if she had zero intention of taking the kids in this situation? Isn't that generally one of the purposes of godmother/father? NTA, but the wife sure is.
OP responded:
My godparents wouldn't have been my guardian if my mother had died when I was a kid. But I think being their family is being partly responsible.
complete_doodle says:
INFO: Is there nobody else that can take the kids? You’re young - what about the sister’s parents, or the BIL’s parents? Other siblings? Uncles/aunts? I’m confused on why foster care seems to be the only other option.
OP responded:
Immediate family? No. The only other sibling is his sister and she's 20-ish. She does baby sit in fairness to her. Widening net to cousins etc none stepped forward. They definitely are there on my wife's side at least. Not sure about his side.