'AITA for thinking my baby daddy will leave his wife to be with me?'
"AITA for hoping that my baby daddy would come back to me?"
Necessary-Maybe-4528 writes:
I really need to get this off my chest. I’ve been spiraling and don’t know who I can talk to about this without being judged or ruining lives.Three years ago, I had a short but intense relationship with “Ryan” (26M). We met while working together at a retail store. It was casual, fun, and physical, but we had real chemistry.
He told me early on that he identified as bisexual and had dated both men and women in the past. I didn’t think much of it. I’d never been in love before, and everything felt natural with him. We weren’t exclusive, but we were close.
Things got complicated when I found out I was pregnant. We were both shocked. Ryan was supportive and kind, even though he was clearly overwhelmed. We decided to co-parent, and I gave birth to our daughter Maya (now 2) in the middle of the pandemic. Ryan was in and out of the picture for the first few months. Then, suddenly, he got married.
He never told me he was seeing anyone seriously. He married “Joanna” (30F) last year in a quiet ceremony, and I only found out when he told me he couldn’t come to Maya’s first birthday because he was on his honeymoon. At first, I was devastated. I still had feelings for him and had hoped that maybe we could make things work as a family someday. I know that was naïve, but I still held onto it.
After the wedding, things were strained between us. But then, about six months ago, something shifted. He came over to help with Maya when she had the flu. We ended up talking all night. He cried. I cried. And then we kissed. One thing led to another.
Since then, it’s been happening regularly. Every few weeks, he comes over, says he’s staying with a friend for work, and we end up sleeping together. It’s not just physical. We talk, cuddle, laugh. He plays with Maya, makes her breakfast, tucks her in. It feels like we’re a family, even though I know we’re not.
He says he loves me. That he’s confused. That things with Joanna aren’t what they used to be. That he misses being with me. That Maya changed his whole understanding of what he wants in life. I’ve asked him what he’s going to do, and he always says, “I don’t know.”
I’m not proud of what I’m doing. I don’t want to be the other woman. I know this is messy and wrong. But I’m in love with him. And when we’re together, it feels right. He’s a good dad, a gentle partner, and it feels like this is how things were always meant to be.
But I also feel like I’m being strung along. I don’t know if he’s ever going to leave Joanna. I don’t know if he should. Joanna is a good woman, from what I can tell. And I hate myself for doing this to someone who didn’t ask to be hurt.
What should I do? Am I being used? Do men like him ever actually leave? How do I get out of this without ruining everything? I just want to do the right thing. I just wish I knew what that was.
People shared their thoughts with OP.
Full_Pace7666 says:
ESH. You’re the hoe he’s cheating with. You’re both a^#$oles.
fausted says:
YTA to yourself and your daughter the longer you keep this farce of a "relationship" going. Stop seeing him, establish custody and child support through the courts and seek help through therapy so you don't allow another man to manipulate you like this again.
NeuroticENTJ says:
ESH. He's a huge jerk. You're enabling cheating. He's a player. I would just chase him for child support and let the judge set visitation. His wife deserves to know too, let the legal system handle it.
Ok_Pen_2887 says:
You're not an AH for having feelings, but you ARE an AH for knowingly sleeping with a married man. Gonna have to go ESH. You’re being strung along by someone who’s already made his choice. He’s married, and you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak if you keep waiting around. It’s time to let go and move on for your own sake and for Maya’s. You deserve someone who’s all in, not someone who can’t decide.