AITA for wanting my boyfriend to contribute more after a big pay raise?

"AITA for wanting my boyfriend to contribute more after a big pay raise?"

Imaginary_Flower_598 writes:

I (26f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together for seven years, living together for most of that time. Back in January, he got a really good job that increased his salary significantly. For context, last year we moved into our current place, which was a big financial jump. Our old place cost about £900 total per month, but it was honestly awful to live in. We were miserable, and it really affected us mentally.

Now our monthly costs are around £1,800 (roughly £900 each), including rent, utilities, council tax, and a few finance plans for furniture we bought together. Around the same time, I switched jobs, and my pay went from £24k to £26k.

When he was making £35k at his old job, we agreed that he’d pay a bit more toward rent (at our previous place), about £200 extra, since he was earning more. A month or so after moving into our new place, he tried going self-employed because in his field that can pay better, but work was very inconsistent.

There were months he couldn’t afford his half, and we ended up accumulating a large amount of arrears. It’s not a huge deal now, but it’s part of the backstory. During that time, we were paying equal amounts because of the higher costs.

Fast forward to this year: he’s now earning £50k, bringing home around £3.5k a month (sometimes up to £5k with overtime). Naturally, I thought we’d go back to a setup where he contributes a bit more, like we did before, especially since I’m still scraping by each month. But every time I bring it up, it turns into an argument.

Some of the things he’s said when I’ve asked include: “You’ll just spend the extra money on yourself,” “We’re not married,” “We don’t have kids,” “My name’s not on the house,” and my personal favorite, “You didn’t finance a car in your name for me” (a long story).

For context, he doesn’t save any money; he just spends however he feels like. Meanwhile, I’m very cautious with money. I try to save something every month, even if it’s small, and most of what’s left goes toward things for our home, dates, or future plans, not really on myself.

I feel frustrated and resentful. If the roles were reversed, I’d absolutely help him out so he could relax a bit financially. But instead, I’m just barely getting by each month while he spends freely. We’ve had a busy few months and recently bought a kitten. I didn’t have the funds for it, so now I owe him money, but I don’t know how or when I’ll be able to pay him back.

This has been going on for about nine months, and I’m honestly exhausted. It’s hard not to feel upset knowing he could easily make things a bit easier for both of us but chooses not to. So, am I being unfair or entitled?

Is it reasonable to expect that if one person’s income increases significantly, the split should reflect that? Or should I just accept that it’s his money and he can decide what to do with it? Please help.

OP added some extra context:

I was dipping into my savings to cover some of his expenses when he couldn’t make payments, like car-related costs, some utilities, and food. The only one I couldn’t cover was rent because it was the largest payment, and there was more flexibility if it was delayed, whereas the other bills carried more risk if unpaid. I want to highlight that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to help, but because I simply couldn’t do more than I already was.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

867-53-oh-nein says:

NTA, but your relationship might be a dead end. If your bf of 7 years that you live with considers you as a roommate rather than his future wife you’ve got problems. Be with someone who considers you and him a team in all aspects of life.

ScaryButterscotch474 says:

NTA Move out. This is the kind of guy who marries you, gets you pregnant and then demands that your savings pay for you and the kid when you are on maternity leave. That kind of selfishness is innate and unlikely to change.

dr_kolossus says:

When boyfriend couldn't afford his half it didn't sound like she was rolling in it and could easily help out like the boyfriend can now. Dump this guy. NTA.

residentcaprice says:

Move out. There is no future. If you have kids he's going to make you pay your share during maternity leave.