'AITA for wanting my stepdaughter to reimburse me for a dress she borrowed and altered without asking.'

"AITA for asking my stepdaughter to pay me back for my dress?"

Glittering_Site8365 writes:

I have a daughter, Ava (18F), and a stepdaughter, Mia (22F). Mia’s mom has primary custody of her, so I only saw her a few weekends a year growing up. However, she went to college near me and my husband, so we are a lot closer now.

I have a job at a big fashion company, and we get clothing for free, like if it didn’t sell or sample pieces, and the rest is donated. When I first started, I got a beautiful silk mini dress that I love and have kept in very good condition. After having my kids, it is more of a tight fit, so I usually pick something more comfortable.

It fits Ava perfectly, and she borrows that dress all the time and it looks great on her. Mia asked me to borrow the mini dress for a wedding, and I let her.

She came over yesterday for dinner and showed us pictures of her at the wedding, and she looked stunning, but I noticed she had altered the dress. Mia is much shorter than me and Ava, so the dress, when she tried it on in front of me, was knee-length on her. However, at the time, she insisted it was fine.

In the pictures, it is a mini dress, which is how it sits on me and Ava. Mia admitted that she got home and preferred how it looks on Ava, so it got altered. However, she didn’t cut the fabric off, just hemmed it, so I should be able to get the dress back after picking out the stitches.

I got upset at Mia, and when she handed me the dress, it would be very hard to get it back to its original state. Taking out the stitches could leave holes in the silk, and the dress fits more like a long top now.

I asked Mia to reimburse me for the dress and told her I was upset she had stitched and altered it without asking me first. She said she didn’t know that she couldn’t stitch silk, and it was an accident.

My husband said Mia made a mistake and asking her to reimburse me for the dress that I got for free, which, at its original price, is a lot more than she can afford as a college student. He said I shouldn’t have let her borrow it if the dress meant so much to me.

I accounted for Mia spilling something on the dress or getting it dirty, but I don’t think it was fair of her to alter it without asking me, and I can’t wear it as a dress anymore. I am quite upset about the dress, so maybe asking her to pay full price is too much, but she is an adult, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to treat her like a child.

Here are the top comments:

Electrical-Bat-7311 says:

I think this is an issue where you need to try to undo the modifications with a tailor first with Mia present. Ask Mia for the name of the person who altered it and go talk to them altogether about how to get it back.

If they can get it back with no holes, then problem solved. If they can't then Mia needs to be there to hear that and understand the consequences of her actions.

I_Will_in_Me_Hole writes:

NTA - She is an adult at 22. She borrowed something and through her own actions cannot return it in the same condition it was given to her. Common curtesy and common sense is that she replaces the item.

She shouldn't necessarily have to give you the cash. But she should make an effort to resolve the problem as best as possible and get you a replacement at the very least. I'm kind of amazed at the cluelessness that she had it altered without asking you, and then that she was going to give it back still altered. Ask to borrow her car, Then give it back to her without doors and with a broken windshield.

PotentialityKnocks says:

NTA. She’s 22 and it’s common sense to ask before altering borrowed clothes.

hikergirl26 says:

NTA but I really think you should not press her to pay for the dress. Sounds like you have built a relationship with her and I would not throw it away for a dress that you got for free. But have a talk with her and say that the dress was one of your favorites and now it is unusable. Also do not let her borrow anything else unless she truly understands the boundries associated with borrowing clothes.

What do you think?