'AITA for wanting support during a tough moment instead of finding food with my wife?'
"AITA for wanting support during a sad moment instead of getting food?"
Ignorantly-Aware writes:
I (30M) am feeling a bit unsupported by my wife (30F), but maybe it’s my fault. Earlier this month, a mass was found in my stepfather’s body. Today was the appointment where the doctor would explain what it is and give us the prognosis.
Everyone in our family has been dreading this day, because we knew we would find out just how serious it was and how we should feel about the whole situation. We have all been sick with worry, fearing the worst, especially since he seems to be deteriorating so rapidly.
My wife and I met at a park after work with our toddler, hoping to take our minds off the impending diagnosis. As we were about to leave, my mom finally called with the news, and it was bad. The cancer has spread to other parts of his body, and chemo or surgery likely will not help.
My mom was absolutely devastated and asked me to break the news to my sister, since she felt too overwhelmed to say it again. My wife was standing next to me and heard everything. She said she needed to go to the bathroom, so I used the chance to call my sister, but she didn’t answer.
A few minutes later, as I was about to put our toddler into the car seat, my sister called back. I asked my wife to watch our toddler for a few minutes so I could tell my sister the news. Instead, she got angry. I felt awkward letting my sister hear my wife’s reaction, so I told her I would call her right back and hung up to figure out what I did wrong.
Then my wife started berating me about “having my priorities straight” and insisted we should be looking for food instead of giving out bad news. She said, “The news isn’t going to change, so why can’t it just wait?” in a very sarcastic tone.
I was honestly taken aback because I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t being supportive in that moment. I get that she might have been hungry, but surely that wasn’t more important than me passing along devastating news to my sister.
I told her I was disappointed and hurt by her reaction, and she responded by saying she wasn’t going to talk to me for a while. She held a grudge over the whole argument for the rest of the day. Even when she saw me openly sobbing while trying to do house chores, she acted as if I wasn’t there.
I feel sad about the whole situation, and I don’t feel like I’m getting any sympathy from her. But maybe I’m missing something and I really am the AH here. AITA for wanting to give the news to my sister as soon as possible, even if it meant delaying our leaving the park for a few minutes?
OP added some edits to clear context.
The food wasn’t just for us, it was also for my mom and brother, but they weren’t arriving for a few hours. It was our toddler’s dinnertime, though he wasn’t being difficult and was honestly an angel throughout the ordeal. My wife had a difficult day at work. Earlier in the day I had to meet her to change a flat tire.
Before we got the news, we were arguing about how to deal with replacing the tire. I offered to take her car to the shop and let her use mine, but she was upset about the idea of having to drive my pickup truck to work.
Here are the comments from the post.
49_TIF_5 says:
Wow. 🚩🚩🚩unless there’s some earth shaking context missing, you’re definitely NTA.
SpeechIll6025 says:
NTA. I’m so sorry about the news. Honest question, what good qualities does your wife have? Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? It’s not too late to start over and to find happiness and a loving, supportive relationship with someone else.
NGDGUnpunished says:
What the actual hell? Your wife is stone cold. I'm so sorry about the news you got today and hope you'll find support within the rest of your family. NTA in any way, but your wife is 100%.
Own-Crazy8086 says:
NTA. I'm sorry to hear about your stepfather. Start carrying snickers and energy bars for your hangry wife.