'AITA for wanting to divorce my husband over how he treats me in our relationship?'
"AITA for wanting to divorce my husband?"
SavedbydaMotion writes:
I (24F) want to divorce my husband (24M). I think the marriage was a mistake. He is a good person and supported me financially when I was out of work for almost a year. He paid for basically everything. But the support ends there. He is not emotionally available or present, and he doesn’t spend much time with me.
I’m a very emotional person and I feel deeply. I’m also autistic, and he doesn’t seem to understand that I am not always comfortable with physical touch. Sometimes I do not want to hug or be touched, and he takes that as a sign that I don’t love him. He tells me that if I don’t hug him, it means I don’t care. That makes me feel like I’m failing as a wife.
I got pregnant earlier this year. It was unexpected, but I wanted to keep the baby. He told me he didn’t want a child right now and that if I chose to keep the baby, he wouldn’t help in any way.
I told him that was fine and that I would figure it out. I started reaching out to local women’s support groups and trying to plan. Once he realized I was serious, he said he might stay.
I told him it wasn’t fair for me to live in that kind of uncertainty and that he needed to make up his mind. After a week of me crying and stressing, he said he would stay. I was happy that my baby might have their father in their life, but I was also stressed because he would say things like, “Are you sure you want that? We won’t have a life.”
He complained about not being able to play video games or go out with friends. I told him he could still do those things and that I would take care of the baby during those times. But I kept wondering if he would change his mind and leave after the baby was born or when the baby cried through the night.
During my pregnancy, he was not supportive. I often found myself alone and crying. He would say things like, “Babe, I understand you’re hormonal, but just relax,” which made me feel even worse.
At five months, I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. I felt broken and completely lost. He told me not to worry, that I could get pregnant again eventually. That might be true, but I was grieving the baby I had just lost.
After two days, he began pressuring me to move on. He told me I had been sad long enough. I even started to wonder if he was relieved that I had miscarried. I asked him, and he said no, with a smile. That smile still haunts me.
After a week, I felt like I had to hide my grief and stop being sad in front of him. I felt alone. I felt like my husband didn’t see me. He refused to sit with me or talk about what happened because, according to him, “it’s in the past now.”
It makes me wonder if I’ll always have to match his emotional timeline, if I’ll always have to push my feelings aside to keep the peace. I don’t know if I can do that. So, am I the a^#$ole for wanting a divorce?
People responded to OP's post.
TravisBlink says:
You are in a terrible relationship.
Soft-Wishbone3225 says:
Move on. You deserve better and you won't find better if you stay.
SecondWindwithDave says:
I guess that depends on whether you want to try and salvage the marriage. If you feel like it's over, and don't want to keep trying, then the time to end it is now. Waiting another 5, 10, 15 years will be much worse.
Decide if you want to try and make it work, then, if you do, put everything you have into making it work. Otherwise, you are the AH if you stay in a marriage you can't see yourself staying in.
OP responded:
I suggested going to couples therapy, he said he doesn't want to because therapists just want to breakup the couple and not help. I try to talk but either find a cold shoulder or a promise to be better next time only to find him doing the same thing again even after clearly verbalizing my feelings. Is there anything else I can do? I obviously did not marry him to divorce him and would try whatever I can to save it.