'AITA for waiting until after my GF had her baby to tell her that I'm sterile?'
AITA for leaving my (ex) girlfriend after she had "our" baby?
Medical-Coyote1959 writes:
I (35M) had been with my (ex) girlfriend (32F) for almost four years, two of which we spent living together. A few months ago, she came to me, absolutely beaming, and announced that we were going to be parents because she was two months pregnant.
This blindsided me for two major reasons. First, when we started dating, we were both firmly on the same page about not wanting kids. Second, and most importantly, I am 100% sterile.
Just to clarify: I don’t mean that it would be difficult for me to have kids—I mean that I medically cannot have children. It was something I never brought up explicitly with her, mostly because we were both supposedly child-free, so it felt unnecessary.
Given that, you can imagine my shock when she delivered this "news." She must've sensed I wouldn’t be thrilled, since we’d agreed on no kids, so she immediately started trying to sell me on the "blessings of parenthood," saying we’d make wonderful parents, yadda yadda.
As the initial shock wore off, I almost lost it. But I managed to keep my cool and told her that this was unexpected, reminded her of our earlier conversations about not wanting children, and said I needed some space to process everything.
She didn’t take that well at all. Instead, she tried to guilt-trip me and gave me the cold shoulder for the next few days. During that time, I came to a decision: if she was willing to deceive me like this, then I’d deceive her right back—until the baby was born.
So, for the next several months, I pretended to accept my "new role" as a father, acting like everything was just peachy. Then, the day of the birth arrived. I drove her to the hospital with her mom, and when it was go-time, I pretended I couldn’t handle the sight of childbirth and told her mom to go in with her instead.
Once everything was over and she was back in her hospital room, I went in, calmly walked over to her, and said: "We’re done. I never told you this, but I’m sterile, so there’s no way this child is mine. I’ll take a paternity test if you insist, but I already know the result. You can keep all the baby stuff we bought, but that’s the last thing you’ll get from me."
And then I left. Since then, her family, along with a fair number of mutual friends, have been bombarding me with messages, calling me heartless, a monster, and many other things for what I did. So…did I go too far? AITA?
Here are the top rated comments from the post.
sexydTwk07 says:
Get the test; update when you get the result.
Less_Advertising_787 says:
AITA normally has 2 sides. A side that is an AH and one that isn't. In this case you both are AH's. She's still innocent until proven otherwise, but let's assume she is for the sake of this story And you because 1) you didn't tell her your 100% sterile and 2) you didn't talk to her to see her side of the story 3) waiting till at birth to throw that in her face, then drive off. I mean that's cold.
Dresden_Mouse says:
I would take the sterile diagnosis and offer a paternity test all the same in a huge GC with family and friends, and let's see who chicken out first.
bigbrat says:
OP if I was you I definitely would’ve waited until you got the paternity test to 100% make sure it wasn’t yours. Stuff happens and that could’ve been your baby!