"WIBTA if I let my kids go trick or treating tonight after my ex's GF grounded them?'
"WIBTA if I let my kids go trick or treating tonight?"
My children came home from their dad’s house this morning (he has them from Monday until today). His girlfriend of seven months dropped them off at my place and told me they are grounded and not allowed to go trick-or-treating tonight.
She said that since she gave them a punishment, I need to enforce it to show the kids that we “work as a united front.” Those were her words. I asked her what they had done to get grounded from trick-or-treating. She said they weren’t listening to her yesterday and made a big mess that could have been avoided. Because of that, she decided they wouldn’t be allowed to go.
My children were crying their eyes out over this. I asked her exactly what they did wrong, because just saying they weren’t listening and made a mess isn’t enough of an explanation. My children are 5 and 3.
My 5-year-old has a very short attention span and struggles to focus, so I have to remind him many times to do things like brush his teeth. He’ll even lose his toothbrush while brushing, even though sometimes it’s still in his mouth. The school is aware, and we are waiting for a referral because they believe he may have ADD.
My 3-year-old gets very fixated on things and has a hard time switching activities. For example, if she’s playing with Lego, she’ll sort the pieces by color and shape for hours without taking a break. When I tell her it’s time for bed or to eat, she struggles to stop what she’s doing.
Anyway, his girlfriend refused to explain to me what exactly they did wrong, so I told her I wouldn’t enforce the punishment without a valid reason. I made sure my children were out of earshot so they wouldn’t see me disagreeing with her.
She went back to my ex, who is now saying I have no right to undermine them and that I should respect and continue any punishment they give out, just like they would if I grounded the kids.
I haven’t grounded them before, as they’re still young, and I use different methods of discipline. The children are with me about 90% of the time. Their dad has them during half-term or one weekend a month, sometimes two depending on his job and shift.
When I asked him what they had done, he said they didn’t listen to his girlfriend while carving pumpkins and ended up getting pumpkin gunk everywhere. They were playing with the inside of the pumpkins, didn’t wash their hands afterward, and ran into the living room to watch Paw Patrol, wiping their hands on the sofa.
That doesn’t feel like a good enough reason to stop them from going trick-or-treating, especially since it’s my daughter’s first time, as she was sick last year. Would I be wrong if I just took them anyway?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Civil-Effort-468 says:
NTA. Why are small children being punished for being small children? Sounds like the gf is on a power trip.
Hopeful-Material4123 says:
GF of 7 months has no right to dictate punishment in your home.
FutureAEMT97 says:
Absolutely NTA! For one, they’re 5 and 3. That’s 100% what every single 5 and 3 year old I’ve ever met does. Plus they don’t get to sit there and make the rules and punishments for something very specific that they knew would be outside their time with the kids.
I feel like it’s the gf trying to make you look bad to the kids. If it’s a punishment of you can’t have this toy or this item for so long, that’s one thing. But specifically saying they can’t do this one thing that they knew was on your time is just wrong to you and to the kids.
youknowimright25 says:
NTA. Taking away trick or treating from a 5 year old because they made a mess the other day? That's absolutely ridiculous.