'I was just told I have a 15-year-old. I have to figure out dad stuff on the fly.' UPDATED 6X
It's one thing to learn you had a child you didn't know about, but it's a whole other thing to find out you're getting full custody after never meeting them before.
In a popular post on the Daddit subreddit, a man shared the saga of meeting his teen daughter and learning how to be her father. He wrote:
"Getting my teen daughter need tips."
Hi dads, when I (m32) was a teenager I dated a girl “K” One day K broke up with me out of the blue with no explanation. Fast forward 15ish years later. The p*lice showed up at my apartment. Long story short, K was pregnant with my kid 15 years ago. She got charged with a bunch of dr*g charges and when they asked if her daughter could go to any family she said I was the dad.
Well after a paternity test, I do have a 15-year-old daughter with K. So my daughter Is going to come live with me today. I'm not a “dad,” I don't have kids or a significant other, just dogs. So I'm pretty clueless when it comes to being a dad or taking care of a kid especially one who's a teenager.
After talking with her social worker, she says she's K was neglectful to my daughter and isn't going to be used to being taken care of or having structure which will be a big adjustment for her. The social worker says I need to be patient with her and just show her love and support even if she doesn't want it. I have a room all ready for her in my apartment.
It is pretty basic because I didn't want to overwhelm her. So yeah she's coming today… just hoping for some support maybe some tips.
The internet shared lots of tips with OP.
crypticedge wrote:
Start by talking to her. Let her know you're here for her. Get to know her, and then support her interests and hobbies. Let her decide how she wants to decorate her room. It's a bit more work starting from the middle like you are, because you weren't there to learn who she was as she was figuring it out herself.
Make the environment safe and welcoming to her, and give her the privacy she needs. She's not in a position she needs someone to come down hard on her, she's in a position she needs someone that she knows she can turn to no matter what is wrong.
OP responded:
I met her twice definitely more difficult starting from the middle it would be a lot easier with a little kid or baby. I know this is a big adjustment for both of us so I'm not going to try and go all strict dad on her it's more about support I think.
IlexAquifolia wrote:
You don’t want to be overly strict, but most kids (even teens who swear they don’t) do better with structure. Don’t go overboard scheduling her day, but create firm and reasonable boundaries and stick to them. Especially anything related to health and safety, like curfews, vetting people she hangs out with, etc.
OP responded:
Yeah that's what her social worker was saying the best thing she needs is to have some structure.
indecisionmaker wrote:
Teenager pro-tip: when you’re in a situation where there needs to be a consequence, ask for her input on what the consequence should be — “This sucks, but you did break the rules, so there needs to be a consequence. What do you think would be fair?” You can do it in advance of something too, when setting boundaries. Gives her some autonomy and ownership.
Deadlife_007 wrote:
Holy hell. Welcome to the club in the craziest way possible, I guess. First things first, I can tell you that you're probably not going to want to do this alone. You're going to want as many other people on your team as possible. This is going to be a HUGE adjustment for both of you. The difference is, she's coming into it with half as much life experience and no base of support at all. Don't try to take this on alone.
Second, if I were to put myself in your shoes, I'd say that the one thing I'd try to remember over everything else is empathy. It's going to be tough, but think about everything this kid has been through. Also remember that this is your chance to be [what sounds like] the first positive influence on this kid's life.
You could honestly be the difference between whether this girl's life goes in a positive direction or a negative one. I know that's not exactly fair to you, and it's a ton of pressure, but this is your chance to step up and do what may end up being one of the most important things you've ever done in your life.
That's the role of a dad in a nutshell, really. You're the person who's going to model what a man should be. You'll mess up, it'll be tough, and sometimes you'll feel like a complete failure, but if you show up, care, and support her as best you can, then you'll be okay. Good luck, man. You can do it.
OP responded:
Damn that's a lot of pressure 😅😅
My parents definitely plan on helping out a lot and I have a few close friends who are willing to help out. I want to be a good role model for her because she deserves to have that.
HFQG wrote:
Remember: this is an insane situation for both of you. You were both just thrust into this with no warning. I'd start by commisserating with her. "Hey, I wasn't ready for this either. I'm new to this. Please tell me what I can do/what you need from me." And just talk to her. Be open. Listen. Tell her what you need from her. Lay out some expectations. Don't go full drill Sargent, but you two are learning this together.
I'd advise a weekly scheduled check in. Give and accept feedback. What is working, what isn't working. Are you giving her what she needs to feel safe/secure/whatever. Don't expect instant love from either side. For awhile you're both just gonna be super awkward roommates and that's how you'll have to approach it for a bit.
Don't let her walk all over you, but if you go in full iron fist and dictator, neither of you will enjoy it and you'll both us stressed and fighting and counting down the days until she disappears at 18. Should probably also get her and you a therapist if you can afford one. A joint one if you're inclined. It'll greatly help both of you navigate the huge transition.
IlexAquifolia wrote:
Make sure you have menstrual supplies on hand - pads and tampons at a minimum. Once she’s settled in, start by taking her to Target to get some toiletries and nice things for her room. Let her pick out bedding and some decorations she likes so her room feels more homey. This would be a good way to start chatting a little while having a distraction to make both of you more comfortable.
Treat her to a sugary drink from Starbucks while you’re at it. Don’t be afraid of awkwardness; teens are accustomed to adults being corny and earnest, so just lean into that and pretend it isn’t totally weird. Edit: also if it’s available to you, get her into therapy. It might take awhile to get an appointment, so be prepared for a wait.
OP responded:
My mom was helping me get stuff ready so I already got pads and tampons for her, I plan on taking her shopping sometime this weekend if she wants to. I'm honestly prepared for the awkwardness because we don't know each other.
MyWifeIsATroll wrote:
Hey OP I went through something similar. Was estranged from my kids for 10 years due to my ex bouncing out of the country with them. I got them back when my oldest was 14. I handled my older kids a lot different then I do my younger kids (who I'm raising). They're completely different situation. You're not gonna like what I'm going to say but try to look at the long game here.
You are NOT her Dad (yet) and you need to understand this. I'm not trying to diss you, it's just a reality that I was lucky enough to realize right away. Do not try to play "I'm your father" games. She's three years away from 18 and it's not going to work.
Treat this as a situation where you really want to become friends with this young woman. Look at it as someone you would like to mentor but instead of teaching work you teach life. Look at the long game here. You want to build a lifelong relationship. Things are going to be rough for a while. Find an outlet for frustration outside of your home.
Just be there and available for her. Listen to her, don't judge, and don't add input she's not asking for. Again, you need to build a relationship as friends and if you are successful, in time she may end up calling you Dad.
Talk to her the same way you would with one of your buddies. React the same way to good and bad news. It's not your place right now to get angry if she messes up. Don't punish, guide, be understanding and non judgemental at all times. You are not her father or authority figure. You are some guy who came in her mom. You need to EARN that trust father status.
If you are ever wrong, or handle something the wrong way make sure you admit it to her face, apologize, and don't repeat the mistake. Be honest with her about your shortcomings. It made me realize a lot about myself that I ended up actively changing.
Support, support, support. You need to be a solid rock. It's not easy but you have to get it done. Be the person she feels she can tell anything and not be judged ever. Don't look at her as your daughter right now. Look at the situation as you helping a young neglected person out in life. I know I've already said it but no judging. To sum it up: be solid af, go over and above to gain her trust and never ever break that.
Be a rock she can lean on. Be a teacher of life. I have an amazing relationship with my kids now. They tell me all sorts of stuff that I don't really need to hear (my daughter texted me to tell me she lost her virginity fml... I was like yayyy.. ugh). I know you'll do great OP. Gain her trust and respect. You can have a lot more impact then you think you can.
A few days later, OP jumped on with an update.
I (32) posted on Friday that my daughter (15) was coming to live with me. Who I had no idea about until her mother went to jail on a bunch of dr*g charges. It has been a big adjustment for both my daughter and myself. I told her when I first picked her up that I know this is very new for both of us so I know it's going to take some time to adjust.
She has been through a lot from what I can tell. She's very underweight, and not used to constantly having meals. I put a snack bin in her room so she hopefully doesn't feel the need to hide food at least stuff that isn't supposed to be left out. I told her she could get food from the kitchen whenever she wanted but that seemed to overwhelm her so it's now a snack bin.
I also have breakfast and dinner (lunch on weekends) at a consistent time so she just knows a meal is going to happen. She also has nightmares and screams, of course, she hasn't told me what they're about (I don't expect her to yet) but whatever it was it was it was traumatic for her. So I'm in the process of finding a therapist for her.
For some more positive things, I got her to open up enough to find out some things about her. Firstly, she loves my dogs we took them on a walk together. She's smart loves to read. And she likes to play basketball.
I of course told her some stuff about me.she's pretty quiet and reserved. I expected her to not be really open with me considering I am a stranger to her. But things so far aren't too bad going relatively well.
Commenters were invested in the update.
empw wrote:
You are doing amazing, daddio. Keep it up!!
PerspectiveFirm8351 wrote:
When we had two teens land in our house a couple years ago, they showed a lot of the same behaviors and inclinations you’re pointing out. Time with consistency in their lives is ultimately what made it better.
Therapy is a great idea. Making sure that your daughter understands she’s safe and that having her needs met is unconditional is going to be work, but worthwhile. We asked for color preferences- and later, invited them to pick out things for themselves to make our home feel more like home for them.
Towels, sheets, etc. So much of this doesn’t have to- or can’t- happen all at once, and would definitely overwhelm if you tried. So, baby steps are the answer. Our kiddos not having access to much food, and not having anyone prepare food for them, made it important to us to show things would be different.
Within a week of starting school, they were both begging for us not to cook breakfast anymore- they just couldn’t handle that much extra food compared to normal. I mention it just to say, as best you can it will be beneficial to make sure your daughter feels she can decline things that she doesn’t want without worrying about blowback.
It’s hard, but remember when stuff like that happens it isn’t a reflection on you, but on where they’re coming from. One really practical item worth considering: great that you have a social worker involved; it may be worth a chat with her or directly with the guidance counselor or admins at kiddo’s school to give some context if the school doesn’t already have it.
Especially once she realizes it may be okay to let her guard down a little, and once she realizes the degree to which some of her treatment has not been okay, emotional regulation may become harder for her. The school may already have resources to help bridge the gap while you look for a therapist.
But even further, that context may help a lot if kiddo ever hits a point of struggle in the classroom. (For example, one of ours took a 1st week writing assignment as an opportunity to write a very angry letter to her parents detailing her ab*se. As brand new parents, that was a scary first trip to her guidance counselor’s office to explain she was safe at home- and had been through a lot).
who_what_when_314 wrote:
Thank you for the update. Glad she was able to open up a bit.
OP responded:
Me too, I wasn't sure if she would or not.
Oneoutofnone wrote:
Hello fellow Dad. I just wanted to give you a heads up- when I was 14, my uncle took custody of me. I barely knew him. It took me six months before I started acting normal around him, and even then I was pretty disconnected. Looking back, I know I gave him lots of grief.
He also gave me lots of grief, as he never had had kids. But in the end, I think him taking me 100% saved my life. I didn't know it at the time, but the stability was what I needed.
He's now my best friend, and my children refer to him as grampa. All this to say it might take a really long time. But you're making a world of difference for her. When times get tough, and they will, keep your chin up knowing that in the end it will work out. Good luck my dude!
Ten days later, OP shared another update.
So probably a lot of you guys seen the post about me (M32) recently finding out about my 15 year old daughter and getting custody of her. Well things have been going pretty good so far, today she was sitting in the kitchen doing homework and once she finished she started playing with my dogs but left a few papers out after putting the rest away. I asked what those are, she said oh just a test I had this week.
I asked if I could see them. She said sure she had gotten A’s on 3 test (chemistry, history, and geometry) after being at the school for less than 2 weeks. I was honestly very impressed not because I don't think she's not smart but because she just started at a new school and is having big life adjustment.
I told her that was amazing and ended up going on about how at her age I didn't care about the school aspect of school just cared about sports and my friends. She said I enjoy learning and reading it helps me get away from life.
Then it hit me it was her way of escaping from the not good life with her mom and focus her mind on something else like learning and reading. It honestly makes me really sad to think about.
The comments quickly rolled in.
BadassBokoblinPsycho wrote:
I remember the first post, and just read the first update and now this. You’re killing it dad. That little girl is going to have a much better life with you. I wish you two nothing but the best.
CaptainLawyerDude wrote:
Celebrate the wins, dad! Showing encouragement and interest in her academic success/talent will only help her treat it as a positive gift rather than an “escape.”
OP responded:
I could tell she is used to not getting encouraged or at least told a good job because she kept saying yeah but it's no big deal.
Lewdogg responded:
If she says it's no big deal tell her it's a big deal to you and it makes you proud of her. The way you talk to her will become the way she talks to herself.
obamarulesit wrote:
You’re doing a wonderful thing. Keep it up. In the first post you said you aren’t a dad, but you totally are. You’re doing all the good dad things. Your last update was really wonderful about how you are giving her psychological safety with food and now here with complements to her work. She sounds like she’s a great kid who has been through some awful times.
Stick with her through thick and thin and let her know you will always be there for her, and that you love her always, even when you may be fighting or disagreeing. One important tip I’ve used often in my life is to never end a fight without saying that you still love them. It offers a lot of emotional support when they are having a tough time. It works wonders with my kids.
OP responded:
Thank you… I still don't think of myself as a dad honestly I think that just comes with time though doing “dad” things.
Silly_DizzyDazzle wrote:
Mom lurker chiming in. You are a damn fine Dad!!!! Seriously proud of you! Keep listening, encouraging, helping, and building trust. You're Dadding. She is very lucky to have you in her life. She has had a rough beginning, that can't change. However she has a successful future now thanks to you.
She knew school, books, and learning were always there for her. Now she is learning you will be there for her encouraging her every step of the way. 💜 this mom is happy for you both 💜
OP responded:
Thank you, I honestly feel lucky to have her in mine as well she's a good kid just been through a lot which even though I don't know the details it makes me sad to know she had to go through tough things at such a young age.
mattslote wrote:
I appreciate your updates. Keep it up, keep being there for her. As she gets more comfortable with you and feels more at home she may start to push boundaries and initiate conflict. It could get complicated but stick it out. She'll need it.
OP responded:
I know that will be really difficult. But I know it's because she's just not used to being cared about or just having more overall life stability and will want to see what she can get away with possibly.
A week later, OP shared another update.
I (M32) have been posting on here kind of a lot recently. Basically, I recently not only found out but also got custody of my 15 year old daughter. Even though I don't know a lot just based on speculation her mom wasn't a good mother and the poor girl has been through a lot. Earlier we were out to eat because I didn't feel like cooking and I found out my daughter never had tacos.
So we went out for tacos, and we were having a very casual conversation until a mother with her two young daughters (I would say both girls under 10) came in you could just tell the girls were having fun with their mom and all 3 just clearly loved each other. Well, my daughter got quiet and kept staring at them. I didn't want to pry so I kept quiet.
She didn't say anything until randomly on the drive home she said sometimes it's hard seeing girls have a good relationship with their mom… I get jealous because my mom and I never did. Then she started crying and let me know she wanted to be left alone the rest of the night.
It was hard seeing her cry and upset it is also difficult to know even though I'm now around in my daughter's life and I'm trying to be a good parent. She still spent the first 15 years of her life not having a good relationship with her mom, and I can't fix that.
I wish I could but I can't which sucks because she didn't deserve to be neglected and possibly ab*sed. I'm just in my feelings, and really sad for my daughter.
The internet had nothing but encouragement for OP.
HPPTC wrote:
Hey man, been following this journey and you are doing f#$king AMAZING. This 15yo girl who has been so much shared that with you, communicated her feelings and communicated her desires about how she wanted to cope with them? That is some serious f#$king growth. Keep killing it, sir.
whodoesnlikedogs wrote:
It’s amazing that she’s already so open with you. You must be doing something right. Keep it up, dad.
OP responded:
She just randomly will say stuff then shut out for like at least a few hours and not talk, I don't know if it's because she feels safe but then feels weird about talking how she feels or what it is.
whodoesntlikedogs responded:
That sounds normal. She’s been through a lot. Celebrate the wins. She will gradually see that she’s safe with you. That it’s safe to share. She left her grades out for you to see. She wants you to be proud of her. She probably also gets scared that her big feelings are a lot for you. Just continue to be a strong loving presence. You got this.
puppetx wrote:
Fell free to ignore my unsolicited cornball dad advice: I think you should thank her for sharing her vulnerabilities with you, that isn't easy. Let her know you appreciate her trust in you. Hopefully you can encourage/reinforce this behavior. If your able to reciprocate, tell her about a time you felt a similar emotion.
I think you should also do everything you can to help her feel normal. Any time you can honestly tell her that what she is feeling is understandable, expected, common. Let her know. She'll feel heard, sane, and more self confident.
Six weeks later, OP shared another update.
I (M32) have shared here about my getting full custody of my daughter (15) who I did not know about. It has been a little over 2 months, she gives me a hard time honestly. I haven't yelled at her or anything like that I understand she's been through it we’re both in therapy to help.
Well, this whole week she has been really rude and arguing with me it has been very rough. During one of the arguments she ended up telling me some very personal stuff I'm not going to share but I will say she had a very rough start to life. I was trying my best to comfort her she seemed like she was having a panic attack.
We were just sitting in silence and she said you know you're pretty good at the whole dad thing for being a newbie. I laughed and said thank you and told her being her dad had been enjoyable…it was silent for a while but then she said thanks, Dad. That made my whole year to be honest been having a bit of happy tears.
The internet was overjoyed to hear the update.
Swissarmyspoon wrote:
It may feel like a rollercoaster, but the two weeks of rough behavior, followed by this conversation, might all be a part of a linear increase of trust in you. Folks hold in their tantrums around strangers and let out their roughest feelings around the folks they trust. So congratulations on building that trust.
_cacho6L wrote:
Heck yeah!!! I've read all of your posts so far and I'm beyond excited for you! Keep up the good work!
OP responded:
Thank you, I appreciate it.
wlc24 wrote:
I think I read yoke of your others posts. Sounds like you’re…I’m not sure what to even say. Killing it is the only thing that comes to mind.
Congrats and keep at it.
OP responded:
Thank you.
KAY-toe wrote:
You’re gaining her trust and even getting a complement from a 15-year-old (!!!) while navigating some seriously deep water, you’re Dad’ing your a*s off!
OP responded:
I know I was honestly trying not to freak out lol.
A few months later, OP shared another update.
I (M32) have shared quite a few posts on here about finding out I had a teen daughter with an ex of mine. My daughter was also neglected and both physically and mentally ab*sed by her mother. After dr*g charges, she came to live with me. Things have been going well she even once referred/called me dad.
We still have tough days but therapy has helped her a lot and I'm even in therapy now to help with this big life adjustment. A little over a month ago my daughter started feeling fatigued, was losing weight (that sadly took a while for her to gain), and was pale and just seemed unwell. I was worried and started taking her to the doctors they were convinced it was just a bad cold that was going around.
But it lasted way longer than any cold should. So I took her to other doctors. One recently decided to run some tests I honestly didn't know what would be wrong with her at certain points I figured I was a new dad and just over-worrying about my daughter. Today we found out she has Leukemia…this poor girl has had such a tough life already and now this. I am pissed…I am upset…I am terrified.
I've had family members go through chemo so I know it's no easy task and that'll mentally be hard on both of us. Extremely physically hard on my poor girl. She hasn't said much since we found out earlier this morning. I would just like you guys to send good vibes/messages and possibly advice if you have any.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Tryingtobeabetterdad wrote:
I am sorry man, wishing you and your daughter the best and a quick recovery.
Just keep doing what you are doing, be there for her, show her that no matter what you will be there holding her hand.
OP responded:
Thank you, I want her to know I'm still here for her.
legendaryxtra wrote:
I am really sorry to hear that about your daughter. What I’ve learned in my battle with leukemia is that we are living in the golden age when it comes to treatments. So many new treatment options exist now that didn’t just 5 years ago. That said, it’s scary.
I’d recommend learning as much as you can about the disease and especially how to be an effective advocate for her. I’ve learned a lot through LLS. https://www.lls.org/leukemia I wish your daughter the best. I can’t help but think you’re both very fortunate to have each other in this fight.
VerbingWeirdWords wrote:
Hey Dad. This is the worst. I sorry. My eight year old was diagnosed with leukemia (T-Cell ALL) in June. We've been moving steadily through. It sucks. And you're not wrong to feel all those feelings. Frustrated. Mad. Sad. Scared. All of it. It's okay not to feel okay.
Accept help. Says yes to people's offers to help or drop off food. A lot of folks are clueless about what to say...it's not their fault Your daughter is lucky to have you. I'm cheering for you.
LDCSMB wrote:
Mate. I'm so sorry. Find someone or someone's to speak to regularly. Don't bottle it up.
If in this crazy universe we all get a set amount of good things per year...I want you and your daughter to take a chunk of mine.
Over a month later, OP shared another update.
I have shared a lot here about my daughter (f15). I didn't know about her until the police came to my door wondering if I could take her in. Her mother my ex was neglectful, mentally and sometimes physically abusive towards my daughter.
I was just working on building a relationship with her and we were starting to get close. A little over a month ago she got diagnosed with cancer… leukemia specifically…life has not been fair at all to this poor girl.
She has been doing inpatient chemo for almost a month now that's been rough. She's either quiet or verbally attacking me and taking her anger out on me. I haven't said much about that I understand she's angry I mean she's only 15 a sophomore in high school and has been through so much.
She's been doing virtual therapy sessions with her therapist and talking to people at the hospital as well. She's coming home in a few days she will hopefully he'll, be able to relax in her bed, she gets to see my dogs which she loves dearly. It's been mentally draining for both of us (mostly her I know ).
She lost most of the weight she was able to gain living with me (she was extremely underweight when she came to live with me) even with antinausea meds she just doesn't have an appetite right now. Chemo has made reading harder and she refuses to listen to audiobooks so she's grumpy about not reading since it's something that has always brought her comfort.
And it's just clear she's upset and frustrated which is understandable and why I let her kind of get upset with me but I do let her know that what she says hurts me… but I know she's a teenager who has been hurt her whole life and now going through something extremely difficult.
The internet had OP's back.
not-wanted-on-voyage wrote:
Oh mate. I've followed your posts and have nothing but respect and admiration for you. You have seriously stepped up and are doing an amazing job. The fact that she is taking this out on you means she trusts you. She knows she can be mad and push you and you'll still be there. I'd say that is a testament to the work you've put in, and to your character. Just keep doing what you are doing, you have great instincts.
One thing you can acknowledge is that it is still ok to have and maintain boundaries. She is naturally going to lash out, I'd say that is expected in this sort of situation. But you're allowed to call her out gently when she's in a good space, let her know that you are there and not going anywhere.
That you have her back and that you can't imagine what she's going through. That you're proud of how strong she's being, but that it would be nice if you could fight this battle as a team.
It's you two against the problem - not each other. Maybe redefining it in that way will reduce the flak you're getting. It might not tho. She may just need to be incredibly angry and focus that on you, in which case your job is to take it, and come back here for some perspective and support. We've got your back, just like you have hers. DM if you like.
OP responded:
Thank you Man, I figured it's a good to an extent because just the things I know she could have never been like that with her mother who she has known her whole life, it does hurt a lot but I know it's just something she needs to do right now.
FoodFarmer wrote:
Gotta be armor for her, sometimes that means the s#$t hitting you first. Poor baby, it’s easy to forget how unfair this world can be, for you it sounds like you’re thugging it out, little by little, step by step, I wish her health and you two a long healthy loving life together.
OP responded:
Thank you, it's honestly been a step by step process.
Rhana wrote:
Have you offered to read to her? It’s something I started with my 5 year old, he got to pick a “daddy book” the Percy Jackson series, and I read it to him, doing voices and everything for all the characters.
OP responded:
If I'm being honest I'm not great at reading in general and my daughter man… she's so intelligent, smarter than me now honestly, let alone at 15.
agirl2277 wrote:
Lurking daughter here, I say you should do it anyway. So what if you can't pronounce some words or don't know what they mean. Then, you can engage her by asking her to help. Let her teach you some things that she knows. Pick a subject that is interesting to both of you.
It could be a good distraction for her too. It will probably be a good memory for both of you to look back on and laugh. I've followed your story for a while and I have a lot of respect for you. Thanks for sharing. ❤️
OP responded:
Thanks for your input I'll ask her, worst thing is she says no I don't want you to read to me 😅😅
No_Zombie2021 wrote:
You seem pretty smart in more ways than book smart.
OP responded:
I know being smart isn't just book smart. My daughter is just very smart all around, knows a lot just from her upbringing and had to kinda grow up fast to care for herself. She loved to read and learn from a very young age, she's just very knowledgeable. Again…reading definitely isn't my thing… hell growing up school in general wasn't “my thing.”
A few days later, OP shared another update.
I'm the one who posts on here a lot about how I got my daughter who I didn't know about. My last post was about dealing with her new cancer diagnosis. She was super happy to be home, be able to lay/ sleep in her own bed, see our dogs.
I have been reading to her we (I) started the Divergent book series which is actually really good I've never read them before. Since being home she has been in a better mood compared to being in the hospital but chemo / cancer has been still so mentally difficult on her.
It's also been hard on me not in the same way of course, but just because I love her and hate seeing her go through this especially after everything she's been through. She also tends to take her frustration out on me verbally which is okay… I know this is hard on her. She's only 15 and has been through a lot. Anyway just wanted to give a bit of an update on everything.
The internet support kept rolling in.
pamacdon wrote:
We’ve all been following your story and we’re heartbroken by what’s happened to your daughter and what is happening now. We are also truly inspired by your journey and your commitment to being a new dad.
What can we as a community do to help your daughter and you? Would it brighten her day at all to receive hundreds of cards from other dads? If you felt comfortable giving a post office box, maybe? Does anybody else have any other ideas that OP would be comfortable with?
ChronicallyGreek wrote:
Poor girl. I know from experience that being in the hospital long term blows dead bear. I hope her chemo works for her. She deserves a good life.
OP responded:
Thank you me too, hospitals aren't fun in general being there for a month was very tough.
Wtfmatey88 wrote:
Love to see your updates. I think about your situation a lot. You are both very brave and strong people!
VelvetThunder141 wrote:
Of all the dads she could have ended up with, after everything she's been through, and everything she had happen after she found you, I'm glad she found you. I'm quite sure she is too. Not everyone would have stepped up in the way you did, in the way she needed.
OP responded:
Thank you I've been just trying my best.
Mindislifebecomes wrote:
I just went and read all your posts and wow. You’re amazing for taking her in and trying so hard to give this girl the dad she deserves. I hope you recognize and gives your credit for that. My wife is adopted and found her birth father, he refused to acknowledge her even though she’s an adult and wasn’t wanting or needing anything from him.
Not everyone could do what you are, I hope you’re proud of yourself. Your daughter clearly got her strength for you. I can’t believe how much she’s had to go through and so young. Yet she sounds like she’s pushing through and even has a smile. It sounds like she’s going to turn into an incredible young woman.
OP responded:
Thanks, I appreciate it, even though it has been extremely hard considering I went from being a man in his early 30s who only had to worry about himself and his dogs to having a teen daughter I did not know about come live with me and daughter has been through a lot of difficult stuff.
She is extremely strong, There have been a few smiles but not many since her cancer diagnosis but she was extremely happy to go home.
Hopefully, OP's daughter is able to heal up quick, so they can continue building good memories of this new family relationship.