'AITA for being honest about cheating after my GF said she would forgive me if I did it?'
"AITA for being brutally honest to my wife about cheating?"
Crayonlicker27 writes:
So this happened over the past weekend. We were at a party with friends, and this question popped up. We were playing a small Never Have I Ever game, which, looking back, was pretty childish, but we're all in our late 20s, so it wasn't that bad.
One of the questions was: Never have I ever forgiven a partner for cheating. A few people counted that as something they had done, including my wife. I expressed my surprise since I wouldn’t have expected her, of all people, to give someone a second chance after cheating.
Other than that, the night went on just fine, and I was driving us home. (I don’t drink—I hate alcohol.) I asked her about the whole situation with forgiving a partner for cheating. In her words, her ex-boyfriend from many years ago cheated on her. He came clean about it, and they tried again, but then he went and did it again in the same way.
She said she didn’t regret giving him a second chance and would do the same if I ever cheated. I figured this was just her being drunk—I have no intention of cheating on her. In the absence of any response from me, she asked if I would do the same for her.
I bluntly told her that I wouldn’t be able to forgive cheating, nor would I ever expect to be forgiven if I somehow ended up doing it. Short of physical abuse or other heinous acts, it’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love.
I don’t know what happened to her after that, but she stopped talking for the rest of the car ride. Ever since then, she’s been dead silent around me. She isn’t her usual bubbly self and has been withdrawn whenever I try to have a conversation with her. She also avoids any questions about what happened on Saturday night.
I asked our mutual friends for any context I might have missed, and a few of them said she must have taken it too hard—as in, me saying I wouldn’t be able to forgive her for hypothetical cheating means I don’t love her as much as she loves me. Her two oldest friends kind of implied that I shouldn’t have been so blunt about it.
Here are the top rated comments:
2npac says:
NTA...this is stupid, on her part. Did she cheat and is sad that you wouldn't be willing to forgive her? Does she have the urge to or plan on doing it and hopes you'd give her another chance? Either way, it doesn't look good. Just because she can forgive a cheater doesn't mean you can or should.
Ok-Map4381 says:
Please don't jump to "she must have cheated". It is equally plausible that she is feeling like OP is judging her for giving her ex a second chance. It reads to me like she was hurt by the experience, came to peace with it, but now OP is saying "yeah, that was dumb, I would never forgive that" and she is feeling dumb for giving her ex a second chance and feeling self-conscious that her current partner called her out for it being dumb.
Limp_Sherbert_5169 says:
I’m not saying she’s cheating on you, but getting upset that you wouldn’t hypothetically forgive her for hypothetically cheating is a pretty huge red flag.
707808909808707 says:
Scenarios: She has cheated and now knows she can’t confess without divorce. She wants the ability to cheat and to use her second chance card if the situation arises or neither are true and she needs some therapy.