I got a last-minute invite to an acquaintances' birthday lunch. There was a group of 18 of us. My total would be $14 (with tax and 22% tip which was added for our group), that comes out to $18. When the bill came, someone slapped their card down and decided we split evenly. Splitting evenly isn't custom in the state I live in.
This was unnecessary as the waiter has able to take 6 cards and we could have managed to calculate this on our own in small groups. Some groups of people split an entire platter so this would have been very easy. Since it was one bill, and the host didn't want to calculate, she asked us all to Venmo $40.
I found this ridiculous as not one of the 10 people on my side of the table ordered anything more than $20 worth of food and drinks. There are clearly people on the other end of the table who brought the total REALLY high. Did 8 people really spend about $57 each, no way? Normally I'd just bite the bullet and think "urgh this is the cost of socializing" and "it's okay, it's just some money."
But after being taken advantage of this time and time again, I can't think of a single time where splitting the bill evenly has benefitted me. After contemplating for a while, I decided to just Venmo the girl $18 instead of $40. If she asks me why, I'll tell her exactly what I ordered and offer to pay the rest. But allude to how it isn't fair to me.
My justification for this is...I wasn't asked for the bill to be handled in this careless manner where a good chunk of people are overpaying (I am not the only outlier). If I pay the full $40, I lose $22. If I pay $18, she loses $22. One of us has to lose. I don't want it to be me this time. Sorry, not sorry. AITAH?
Laxit00 wrote:
Only thing I could think of everyone is paying extra to pay for the birthday persons lunch. It seems very high to ask for $22 extra but that means everyone is paying this amount above their bill. You're not paying for the bday person's lunch but paying for someone else's lunch.
You did what I would have done... pay my share of the bill and no more. If they said everyone would have $5 added to pay for the bday persons meal then I would have gladly done this so they aren't paying for their lunch...our treat to them. There's no way I'd be lying for someone else's meals
Lonely-World-981 wrote:
ESH- you should have handled this at the table. My wife and I always tell the server "separate checks, please" before being served. My wife gave me shit for this for 5 years, then when she was unemployed for a few months, she finally understood my stress, resentment and anger.
We're vegetarians and don't drink much. We go out to dinner with her family often - they're big into meat and cocktails and lots of wine. Our bill for a recent dinner was $85; her siblings and parents dropped $250 each. I'm just not subsidizing that, especially at my expense.
Horror_Outside5676 wrote:
I see this exact question get asked multiple times a week. When you go out to eat with anyone, ALWAYS tell the waiter that your bill is separate, from the beginning. Always. Problem solved. Some people are jerks and will order appetizers, drinks, desserts, etc, expecting everyone to chip in. Ef that.
Specialist_Extreme28 wrote:
NTA. You're not wrong for only paying for what you ordered. Splitting the bill evenly when everyone ordered different things is just not fair. Some people clearly went wild with their orders, and you shouldn't have to pay for their lobster tails or whatever. If she asks, just explain that you only paid for your own food and that splitting the bill evenly wasn't a good idea.
PauseMost3019 wrote:
If this was not discussed prior to the outing, NTA.
I have been in this situation before. I told the server, charge me for a,b,c. The rest goes to the group.
Beachinlife1 wrote:
If she loses $22 it's her own fault for deciding to pay the whole thing herself. YOU don't owe her $22. If she has to pay the extra for the people who overspent, again, it's on her for taking over the bill. She can get it from those people. Unless everyone gets the same thing, I am never splitting a check. It's not something we do where I live anyway, everyone gets their own check.
The only people who want to split a check are the people who order ridiculously expensively and order multiple drinks, and they think people like you and me should subsidize them. It ain't happening. NTA! In the future, always tell the server WHEN YOU ORDER that your order is on its own check!
pistol_pete_1967 wrote:
If it were a birthday party then you should assume that the birthday person was being treated by you all. I would have dropped the $40 without hesitation to just not look bad (that’s me not you and I don’t know your financial situation as that could be more than you had or were willing to spend). I hate confrontation so that also factors in on my quick response.
empressfeisty103 wrote:
You're totally in the right! It's BS that they wanted you to pay $40 when your stuff only cost $18. Splitting evenly like that is just messed up when people order different amounts. You know what you had and offered to show them, so you're good. If your friend complains, just explain and offer to pay your actual share. Don't let people walk all over you!