'AITA for going no contact with my dad and siblings for how they treated my sick mom?'

"AITA for going no contact with my dad and siblings after a big fight?"

Cxussiuss writes:

Six years ago my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of stomach cancer. I (22M) was 16 at the time and the only one who stepped up to take care of her until she died. My dad tried to talk her into carrying on as normal and taking care of everything and everyone because he didn’t think he could. He’d get so mad at mom for being too tired or too sore and stiff to get out of bed.

He always made excuses not to drive her to chemo and other medical appointments. He broke down sobbing when she went for surgery, and not because he was scared of losing her, but because he didn’t want to handle everything while she was out of commission.

He even asked if they couldn’t figure out ways to treat her where she could be normal. In the final three months of her life she was bedbound, and he was either at work or sitting around the house complaining about how nothing was done.

My brother was 15 and my sister was 13 at the time. So it wasn’t like they could do a whole lot, which I get, and they were kids too so it shouldn’t have been on them. But they complained about not having the same food we had when mom was healthy.

They used to ask her why she didn’t make them their favorite snacks and everything. She could be puking up her guts or unable to move in bed, and they still wanted more from her. They were always getting mad at me for not keeping things like they were before. Then they’d accuse me of hogging mom but wouldn’t go and sit with her.

Whenever I tried to let them talk to me, they’d complain about all the stuff they hated me for and still say I was taking away their time with mom. The last thing my brother said to her was why couldn’t she get out of bed to make him a birthday cake early so he’d have one last mom-made birthday cake. And it wasn’t even his birthday yet, hence the early comment.

After mom died, everyone was having a tough time and I got s&#t for being sad too. They yelled at me for pulling away from them, they yelled at me for dropping out of school to get a job where I was doing instead of sitting and learning, for not taking care of them, and for telling them to f^#k off.

But dad could lose his job, get drunk, and sleep around and that was fine. He could bring random women over within weeks of mom dying, but f&#k me. My brother could get into fights in school where he almost had criminal charges brought against him.

He could literally steal from everyone to pawn things, and he even stole some of mom’s things to pawn, but that was also fine. Oh, and he got suspended twice and was so close to expulsion. My sister could smash stuff, bully her friends and other kids at school, and spend 5k on one of dad’s credit cards without permission. That was all fine.

But I was expected to be better and not grieve. I was told I had stolen everyone else’s time with mom. That I was the reason mom was dead. They said I ruined everything. So I moved out and stayed away. Then dad met someone else and married her, and I got s&#t for not meeting “our new mom.”

My siblings were calling her mom from the jump, and everyone slotted her into their lives where mom left. I was called selfish for not doing the same. They said I was ruining the family and the family vibe. That “new mom” was hurt that her oldest son wouldn’t even meet her. I was told over and over how amazing she was and how she took care of them so well and did everything for them.

After more than a year of that, I lost it. I told them if their selfish a^#es wanted to replace mom so they could be taken care of, then go ahead, but I never would. And I said I hoped they didn’t live to regret acting like mom was so easy to replace, because that was exactly what they did. They replaced her. They acted like she wasn’t important after all the s^#t they gave her and then me.

Then I went no contact. It’s been over a year now. They tried to get in touch but couldn’t and didn’t believe me when I told them I was done. After a while they wondered why they couldn’t reach me, so they had my uncle ask.

I confirmed I was no contact. He was shocked. He asked me why, and I told him I was working on myself and wanted nothing to do with them after everything. Then he said I should cut them some slack, and I told him no, because they cut me none, and they were awful. The new mom stuff was it and I was done.

He told them, and he shared how mad they are, and he shared how he felt I was being too harsh. I don’t get why I have to be the one to accept all that s$@t and why I need to be Mr. f^#king Perfect. But maybe I am an AH. He also brought up when I accused them of replacing mom, and he said that was going too far. So AITA for everything?

Here are some of OP's responses from the post.

Beautiful-Peak399 says:

NTA. F^#k all of them. Uncle should be next on the no contact list if he keeps putting pressure on you. I hope you're in therapy, this is a huge thing to process on your own.

OP responded:

I started therapy in the last year. I had been trying to find a therapist for a few months before that. It's rough and I'm still not through the hardest parts yet. But it's helping.

sparkly_evil says:

F^#k them. Live your life and forget about them. Inhuman trash like them don't deserve a thought from you. NTA.

snw0184 says:

No, you are not the a^#%ole. And I'm sorry for your loss. I would have gone no contact too. Your dad and siblings suck big time for this. Do they not know how to do for themselves?

What do you think?