'AITA for laughing at my ex when he asked me to forgive his back child support?'
"AITA for laughing at my ex when he asked me to forgive his back child support?"
My ex (M62 now) and I (F64 now) divorced with one infant child in 1987. His child support until 1992 was set at $50/month, but he never paid this. He never worked for a paycheck, only for cash.
In 1992, I tried to increase his support to what he would pay if he earned federal minimum wage. He still didn’t pay. He never saw my daughter after she turned seven in 1993—no cards, calls, nothing. Which, in a way, was good and allowed our family to be a family!
Fast forward to 2004, my daughter is now 18. I start to receive small child support deposits of $64/week. I’m shocked and dismayed but also happy. A few weeks later, I get a call from my ex, Shannon, saying, “Isn’t she 18 now?
Tell them to stop taking the support.” I laughed and said no; he would always owe the back amount plus interest. I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to. So, he quits working.
Then, no word from him for years. In 2021, I get a call from Shannon. Surprised by this, I ask what he wants. He says he needs me to fill out a form to forgive his past support, which has totaled over $65,000.
He swore that he would then pay me directly, $300/month, until the balance was paid—217 months. Now, remember, he’d been under a court order to pay child support since September 1987 and had paid nothing. When payments were taken from his check, he chose to quit his job rather than pay.
I found out through some online research that this was around the time the Texas Attorney General, where Shannon lived with his wife, had filed a lien against him for the back child support amount. I hadn’t known this was done! Shannon’s wife didn’t want him on the deed for their single-wide trailer because of the lien, so she divorced him.
That’s why he wanted me to forgive his child support; he was losing his "sugar momma." He’s called three times since then, and just when I stop laughing, I get another call from him. Am I the a^#$ole for laughing at him, in his old age, and for not letting him off the hook for this $65,000+ in back child support that I know I’ll never see a dime of?
Here are the top comments from readers.
NTA. My ex complained that after the wage garnishment (I had been supporting my daughter by myself for 10 years by then), that he didn't even have enough money to buy cologne... I'm like, I guess you're just going to have to stink then!!! I got a few of his tax returns once he decided to get a real job. You keep on laughing every time he calls. I'll be laughing with you 😂
He & his wife filed a joint return when they first got married and the gov't kept it to pay his STUDENT LOAN!! I laughed, he called me to tell me to send it back. Sorry, that's the Feds not me!
I hate deadbeat dads who work to game the system. I once worked in the office for a company with a high turnover, and realized some guys knew the system so well, and how long it took to get a new support order to the employer, and they'd quit a week before it would take effect. A month later they'd get rehired and it was rinse and repeat over and over.
So I started entering orders for people who'd been terminated but had been hired at least twice, and set up an alert of anyone with an order was re-hired. And I'd get on the phone with the CS office for that state (barring a couple that were a PITA) and let them know he'd been re-hired and could they fax in a current order? Sometime I'd have active orders two or three days after they were hired. Surprise, buddy!
The money is for the CHILD not the former spouse. THAT is who is being hurt.
That's right, during the raising of the minor child it is to better the child's situation, not MINE.
BUT, once the child is an adult the money then becomes MINE.
I have loaned this man $50/mo until the support was increased and then I loaned him that much per month. That was additional money I had to come up with each month for food, clothes, sports, day care, summer camps, girl scouts, etc. So NOW that money is mine. I am his loan shark.
CozyCupcake25 says:
No, he seems to need to pay up, and having a nice chuckle is merely a bonus.
svkatt says:
NTA. My ex complained that after the wage garnishment (I had been supporting my daughter by myself for 10 years by then), that he didn't even have enough money to buy cologne. I'm like, I guess you're just going to have to stink then! I got a few of his tax returns once he decided to get a real job. You keep on laughing every time he calls. I'll be laughing with you.
DinoAnkylosaurus says:
I hate deadbeat dads who work to game the system. I once worked in the office for a company with a high turnover, and realized some guys knew the system so well, and how long it took to get a new support order to the employer, and they'd quit a week before it would take effect. A month later they'd get rehired and it was rinse and repeat over and over.
So I started entering orders for people who'd been terminated but had been hired at least twice, and set up an alert of anyone with an order was re-hired. And I'd get on the phone with the CS office for that state (barring a couple that were a PITA) and let them know he'd been re-hired and could they fax in a current order? Sometime I'd have active orders two or three days after they were hired. Surprise, buddy!
darkenough812 says:
NTA! This is hilarious and that’s what he gets for being a deadbeat loser.