'AITA for telling my boyfriend that I won’t cook for him until he marries me and buys us a house?'
"AITA for telling my boyfriend that I won’t cook for him until he marries me and buys us a house?"
My bf and I have been together for almost 3 years and we have a 5 month old baby together. I’m a SAHM, I dropped out of college to take care of him because we can’t afford daycare.
It was an accidental pregnancy, and abortion wasn’t really an option since we live in a state where it’s banned after 6 weeks and I didn’t find out that I was pregnant until 7 weeks. I can’t drive and my bf said he wouldn’t drive me out of state because he wanted our baby.
For the last couple of months my bf has been asking me to cook more. The problem is that we live in a tiny studio apartment and my baby is very clingy. He screams pretty much any time I set him down unless he’s asleep, and when he’s asleep I usually use that time to either pump, do other chores like laundry and cleaning, or catch up on sleep myself.
Since it’s only one big room, I can’t get away from the screaming, and not only does it kinda drive me crazy but it also makes me feel bad hearing my baby in distress. He wants me to hold him or he screams, thus I end up spending the majority of the day holding and playing with him so it’s hard to get other things like cooking done.
Yesterday evening my bf got home and was upset that I hadn’t cooked for him. We argued and he called me lazy and entitled for being home all day while he works yet not cooking for him.
I explained to him the above about it being hard to get much done in a tiny studio apartment with a screaming baby, and reminded him that if it were up to me, I’d probably still be in college and I wouldn’t be financially dependent on him, but he really wanted our baby and he wouldn’t drive me out of state.
He tried guilt tripping me about me not wanting our son, which hurt because I did want him and I love him, I just don’t think that we were in the best position to have him when we did.
He then doubled down on calling me entitled and selfish, so I told him that I’ll cook for him once he marries me and buys us a house so that I can have an actual kitchen to cook in and table to set. He got mad and stormed off and ended up sleeping in his car.
I feel like I was justified in what I said because he wanted me to have our baby and stay home despite knowing that we’d struggle to afford it, but I also do feel bad because he does work hard to support us. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
No car, no money, no education and no escape. Did he make you cut contact with all your family and friends, too? He has you exactly where he wants you.
20 yr with a 35 year old tells you all need to know.
Exactly what I was thinking. She moved across country to be with this guy and he’s turned out to be a loser. What 35 year old goes after a 20 year old? Reminds me of those guys who never really got out of the high school/college mentality; those 25 year olds going after 16 year olds. No offense OP, but your boyfriend is a loser. Will always be a loser. Get out of that relationship now.
I think it’s weird that a 35 year old man would date a 20 year old. As a 39 year old male it’s gross.
"I work too. The difference is, it's not an 8 hour day. I don't get to clock out. I have to work overnight. I don't get PTO, or health benefits, or retirement, and some days I don't even get a lunch break. So STFU, get off your own ass and either help parent your child so I can cook, or cook dinner yourself because I am DROWNING."
You're in a very bad situation and need to start looking for a way to get out. Do not get pregnant by this man again. I doubt the first one was truly an "accident." Find online work you can do when he's away. Your child is just gonna have to scream for a while so you can earn some money. Open your own online bank account and keep it secret.
As far as resolving the immediate issue of cooking, buy a big slow cooker and make large meals so you'll have at least a few days of leftovers. You can prep the meal in the evening when he's home to care for his child. Put it in the fridge and then start it cooking the following morning.
My love, he will *never* buy you that house you're dreaming of. Never. He can't afford it, doesn't want to, doesn't have to. Repeat that as a mantra as you put all your smarts and energy into a move for you and your little one. Even if he *does* agree to marry you, what will that fix? You'll be a married bang-maid, that's all. I wish you strength and luck.
38 M here. For what my free opinion is worth, I think your boyfriend is a man child loser who will never grow up. It's why he chose to pursue you, a 20 year old woman, and start a relationship-because the women in his life could see through his BS.
Now you have grown, and are starting to see it. It's only going to get worse the longer you are with him. My advice is to go back to your parents house. Your family and community support are far more important to you and that baby than that loser will ever be.