'AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding because she takes money from my dad?' UPDATED

"I refuse to attend a wedding that my father will be present at."

Low_Language_7759 writes:

My (27M) sister (25F) is getting married in April, and they are already planning their wedding. We grew up with our uncle (mom's brother). Our mom (45F), due to a stroke, wasn't physically able to do many things; she needed help, but it was more than enough.

Our father (53M) was abusive towards our mom, not us. She is physically weak, with a frail build; my students might even be stronger. She has always been that way, even as a kid. This made it easier to mistreat her.

After the court forced a divorce, he continued to contact us and "be there for us." I rejected all the money he used to send, but my sister didn't. She was in contact with him and has a relationship with him; I asked her to pretend that she doesn't when our mom is around.

I asked my sister who would walk her down the aisle: our mom, uncle, or me? She hesitated to answer but said she'd invite our dad. We argued about that, and I said that if he took one step in there, I'm out.

She said I'm being an a^& for giving her an ultimatum. She can invite the pope if she wants, but I am free not to attend a wedding that makes me unhappy.

OP provided an update:

I decided to inform my mother and uncle about my sister's decision. My uncle was upset; he hadn't expected her to invite him or ask him to walk her down the aisle. He wanted to call my sister, but I advised against it, at least not immediately.

We then went to tell my mom, who seemed confused. I had to explain that my sister had a relationship with him, but I had told her to keep it hidden, and she had been good at doing so until now. My mother hadn't found out until I told her.

After I explained my sister's decision, my mother asked, "But why?" I simply replied, "I don't know." She appeared disappointed because she had wanted to attend the wedding but ultimately decided not to.

Later, I informed my sister that we declined the invitations. She asked me to convince them otherwise, but I refused. I advised her not to try to coerce anyone into attending, especially not our mother. She didn't respond and ended the call.

Here are some of the top comments:

Bitter_Animator2514 says:

She sold her soul for cash. Your better off not going.

YellowBeastJeep says:

NAH (No A^@#ole Here). You don’t have to attend, but don’t give the ultimatum; just decline the invite. Your sister is a grown a%^ adult and her relationships are her own business.

DerpDevilDD says:

NTA (Not the A%^@ole) Ultimatums are not inherently a bad thing. This is just maintaining an established, reasonable boundary. You don't want to be near your father, your sister knows that. Not going to her wedding doesn't mean you don't love her.

wlfwrtr says:

NTA. Who she invites is her business, what events you attend or not, along with the reason behind it is your business. Was she not old enough to remember the abuse of your father or is the money he gives her more important to her than her mother?

OP responded:

When the court forced the divorce, I was 13 and she was 11. I don't want to say that she valued the money more, but I don't know why she is still in contact with him.

What do you think? Is OP right to not attend her sister's wedding?