'AITA because I won't let my dad's new wife take a look at my mom's recipe notebook?'
"AITA because I won't let my dad's new wife take a look at my mom's recipe notebook?"
My mom loved cooking and she took down all her favorite recipes that she customized and put them into her own little cooking notebook. She started it before she met my dad. Whenever she had time to actually cook she'd make one of those recipes and she kept collecting them.
She added her last recipe a month before she died. It was something special to her and before she died she gave it to me and said she wanted me to be able to make them and continue the love for cooking she had.
She already had me started because I (17F) used to cook with her all the time and getting those recipes was so special! I cook using those recipes a little but I don't do a lot of cooking. Either dad gets takeout or I spend afternoons with another family member and eat with them.
My dad married again 18 months ago. I have a 7 month old half sister and now his wife's pregnant again. She wanted to start cooking more and dad told her about mom's recipes.
She was like oh that's so cool and asked him if she could see and he told her mom gave them to me. I didn't offer it to her and the topic dropped. But then a couple of weeks later she asked me if she could take a look at the notebook because she wants to start making family meals for all of us and I said no. I told her to start her own recipes but I'm not sharing mom's with her.
She told me it was crummy of me to keep them to myself and I should want to share with my family. We don't really get along outside of this so it annoyed me that she asked and pushed in the first place.
It made us like each other less and then dad got involved because I didn't give in. He told me it was no big deal and I could take it back after. He asked what the harm was and I asked what she needed those recipes for and why she couldn't find her own.
He said she knows how much cooking was a thing between me and mom and she wants to do that for my half siblings and wants us as a new family to have stuff like that to bond over. I told him I wasn't bonding with his new wife or my half siblings over mom's recipes and he should help her find new recipes if she was serious about cooking.
A few days ago they told me to grow up and stop being selfish when I still didn't give in. I don't want to share with this woman and I think it's weird to be so obsessed with recipes my mom found and altered instead of doing shit for herself. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Make sure it's in a place she can't get to it. And NTA.
Bonnizzie (OP)
They won't be getting it. I have it somewhere they won't find it and I check on it whenever I visit where it's at now.
Good best place for it is out of the house. When you do move into your own place continue to be careful if you give an emergency key. I swear the number of people for have a spare key and think coming over and taking something isn't stealing is ridiculous. NTA.
There are millions of recipes and millions of places to find them. There is no reason she can’t go find some of those.
It's weird in a "want to replace your mom" kind of way. I find it a little insensitive.
Bonnizzie (OP)
Maybe she does want to replace her for dad. My dad still gets takeout a lot so maybe she's insecure and wants to feed him like my mom did. Weird but that's for her to figure out with him and not with me via my mom's recipes.
NTA Tell her Google is free and there are so many recipes online she does not need your mom’s.
Bonnizzie (OP)
Apparently Google recipes just aren't it for her. There's nothing else she could find but the ones my mom collected. Nothing else works. Must be so tough to be so restricted.
It was okay for her to ask at first. When you said no it should have ended there.Keep your book in a safe place locked up where nobody can get to it. She can start her own book of recipes to pass on. NTA.
Bonnizzie (OP)
That was my suggestion too. Do her own research and figure out her own book of recipes. Leave my mom's alone.
A grown man that can’t even learn to cook to feed his kid suddenly thinks cooking with specific recipes is important? You’ll be considered all grown up in under a year, then you won’t ever have to deal with him or his replacement wife again if you don’t want to. Might want to pack a bag for your birthday, go over to the relative who actually cares enough to feed you properly and just stay there (if they’ll allow it). NTA.
Bonnizzie (OP)
Yep! He'd sooner go broke ordering food than making it but he'll gladly let others cook for him.
I always find it interesting when adults tell a child to "grow up" but they're the ones acting childish. You said no, you don't wish to share something that personal that was your mom's, and that should be the end of it.
Too many people think asking for something is a given yes and if you don't agree, you're just selfish, petty, childish, etc. NTA and hope you're able to get back into enjoying cooking one day.