'I’d rather be divorced than have my mother-in-law living with us.' AITA?
"AITA for saying I’d rather be divorced than to have mother-in-law living with us?"
So my husband is military and we have a 2 year old together. We have the opportunity to possibly be near our hometown next year. My MIL is wanting to live with us and basically go wherever we go. I could not tell you why because her house is completely paid off and she only has the basic utilities to pay for.
Her and my husband don’t get a long for more than 30 minutes at a time it seems. She said she was thinking of the future and wanted to discuss this with us more the next time we go back to our hometown. My husband thinks this could be a great idea because she would be able to have a relationship with our son and could watch him so I can go back to work.
I have mentioned before how I feel bad not contributing financially, but he has said he prefers me being home with our son because he is non-verbal and was recently diagnosed with autism. We are financially stable and me being a SAHM has never been a stressor in our marriage.
So I don’t feel we NEED her here for that. He also said she already stays in her room all the time anyways so it wouldn’t be any different having her here because she would never bother us and be in our business. I truly do not understand how he thinks it would be fine. I told him I married him, not him and his mom.
Our house is my comfort where our little family can be fully in peace together. I would rather be divorced than to take on an in law or even my own parents forever. If this were for reasons due to her health, or she simply needed help and couldn’t live alone, I would have a completely different mindset. But it’s not. She just wants to live with us.
Also want to add my husband is not a mommy’s boy AT ALL. So when I say I don’t understand it I seriously don’t. They will both go well over a month without talking to each other, not even a simple text.
I am usually the one to say “it’s been a while since you heard from your mom you should give her a call." I talk to both of my parents daily and love them to death. Still wouldn’t want them living with me unless they needed the help.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
CampusTour said:
NTA - You're totally in the right on this one, and while your husband may have a good reason for wanting this, he's not sharing, so it doesn't count.
AzulaKuvira12 said:
NTA. You’re not wrong for wanting your own space and peace, especially with the extra challenges you’re facing as a parent. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, not a shared space with someone who’s already clashing with your husband.
It’s a big deal to invite someone into your home permanently, especially when the dynamic is already rocky. It’s great that you’d help if she truly needed it, but this situation feels unnecessary and could bring a ton of stress. Stand your ground—you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home.
AzulaKuvira12 said:
NTA. You’re not wrong for wanting your own space and peace, especially with the extra challenges you’re facing as a parent. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, not a shared space with someone who’s already clashing with your husband.
It’s a big deal to invite someone into your home permanently, especially when the dynamic is already rocky. It’s great that you’d help if she truly needed it, but this situation feels unnecessary and could bring a ton of stress. Stand your ground—you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home.
teresajs said:
NTA. If your husband can't get a long with his Mom for longer than 30 mins, how does he expect living with her would be? And if she spends all her time in her room that doesn't indicate that MIL would be an active and Involved caregiver for your child, nor that she would be an active member of the household (help pay bills, cook, clean, etc...).
It very much sounds like MIL wants to "retire" by selling her house, moving in with you and your husband for free for the remaining 30-40 years of her life, and use her home equity for her spending money.
Ambitious-Effect6429 said:
NTA. I wouldn’t let my own mother move in, yet alone my MIL. This sounds like Hell on Earth and likely a massive stressor in your marriage.
Innocentbela said:
NTA. You're not wrong for wanting to maintain your family’s peace and comfort, especially given your husband’s strained relationship with his mother. It’s important to prioritize your family's dynamics and what feels right for you and your child, and expressing your feelings about not wanting your MIL to live with you is completely reasonable, especially since your current situation works well for your family.
Drayden71 said:
NTA. Stick to your guns. It’s going to be a lot worse than you imagine.