'AITA if I break up with my boyfriend for ruining my attorney swearing-in moment?' UPDATED
"AITA if I break up with my boyfriend for ruining my attorney swearing in moment?"
Hi. I (35/f) was recently sworn in as an attorney but my boyfriend (33/m) ruined it. I graduated law school in May 2023. I was going to take the bar that July but was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer a month before the exam. The diagnoses threw me for a loop and ruined what I pictured my life after law school would be.
I withdrew from the July exam and transferred everything to the February 2024 exam, thinking I’d be done with treatment. Wrong. I took my first bar exam in the middle of radiation treatment and almost two months after my surgery.
I took that exam mostly because I had already paid but didn’t take it as seriously as I would’ve had I not just gone through 16 rounds of chemo, surgery, and actively in radiation treatment.
Unfortunately, I had to take the bar exam a couple extra times before I got a passing score, which, given that I just finished my active cancer treatments in May 2025, I guess it’s not that bad? Fast forward to now. I got a notification that my oath ceremony was Tuesday of this week.
Since life loves to throw curve balls at me, I opted to do the swearing in via zoom because my dad had a heart attack the Tuesday before and five mini strokes after that which left him with limited mobility. My bf and I live about 1.5 hours away from my parents. I went to my parents’ and he stayed at home.
I wanted him to be there with me not just to witness such a momentous moment for me but also as support because of everything my parents are going through (my mom has stage 4 gastric cancer). Things with getting him to my parents was just too complicated so we agreed we would FaceTime during the ceremony.
The ceremony started and the judge was giving her speech and began swearing people in. My bf was waiting on the call patiently for most of it. However, at one point I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had gone into a store. That happened just as it was about to be my turn. Then, I saw the call disconnected.
He had lost signal. About 3 seconds after the call ended, it was my turn to do the oath. I was already mad because he was going to miss the moment I had waited so long for. But, then it got worse.
He began to call me repeatedly IN THE MIDDLE OF MY OATH. Every time the call would come in, it would ring on my computer, distracting not only me but also the judge administering the oath. I would quickly ignore the call but then another would go through.
He called about 6 times, which covered the entire oath. I’m extremely upset. After everything I had gone through to get to that point and everything I was still going through just for that to happen. Not only did he miss it but he ruined it.
I put my phone in DND but the calls still came through. Also, would he not figured out by the second or third ignored call that maybe he should stop calling? Part of me thinks he did it on purpose. Idk how to feel anymore but I honestly think I want to breakup over that. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
olive_us_here said:
First of all, congratulations on passing the bar, that is not easy to do Especially during cancer treatment!! Also, Congrats on finishing your treatment rounds. I’m so sorry life has been a series of set backs and health issues. NTA - if he was home and the cal disconnected I would offer grace, but he left and went to the store. Was it for something urgent?
How has he been with your cancer treatment and school? Supportive or sabotaging? It’s hard to say if you should break up, but if he has a habit of not taking your accomplishments seriously or being supportive then you should absolutely break up!
reogin said:
NTA. You fought through literal cancer to reach a once-in-a-lifetime achievement and he couldn't even stay in one place with a stable signal for a few minutes. Then to blow up your computer with calls during the actual oath?
That's not just careless — it's disrespectful. Your moment was hard-earned and sacred, and he turned it into a tech disaster cameo. You’re not overreacting by reconsidering the relationship. When someone shows you they can't show up for you at your highest after watching you survive your lowest, believe them.
Realistic_Head4279 said:
NTA. Your BF knew this was important to you. For him to be off shopping somewhere at the appointed time was disrespectful and dismissive of you and your moment. Sorry this happened and sorry for all you and your family have and are going through medically. Clearly, that is a lot. Good luck in your law career.
As for whether or not to break up with your BF over this latest debacle, only you can make that decision as only you know what, if any, other aspects of this relationship are troubling or unacceptable.
Ready-Wolf2325 said:
NTA. He literally couldn't be anymore self absorbed. Going to a store when he is supposed to witness an important key moment of his partner's life? He doesn't care for you. But to keep calling is just ignorant.
Any sane person with at least some intelligence wouldn't do that if they know you're in an important meeting. He made your moment about himself. If he did it on purpose or not, he was disrespectful. It may have been malicious or just out of indifference to you. Either way, that's not a base for a relationship.
Annual-Cheesecake675 said:
Break up with him, NTA! He set you up for failure on purpose. This is only the beginning of the indignities he will put you through to "humble" you.
EchoMountain158 said:
NTA. He couldn't be bothered to wait for stupid bagels? He really went grocery shopping during one of the most important days of your life? Then blew you up when you rejected the call???
I'm sorry but he sounds like a selfish ahole. You can't just be there for the bad times in a relationship. You need to be able to celebrate the good times as well and this guy, after a long stretch of bad times, made what should've been a mementos moment into ANOTHER bad time.
Personally, I'd be mad as hell and would probably separate. If he contacted me again, he better have a three week vacation in the Maldives and raw knees from begging.
The next day OP added this update in the comments:
Hi everyone. Just an update: we broke up. Not exactly because of what happened during my swearing in ceremony, although that didn’t help. My dad is back in the hospital. I asked him to join me in going to see him, but he got mad because I “ruined” his plans to have a cookout on the lake.
I think a lot of doubts were answered with that. Our priorities do not match and it’s evident that we’re no longer a good fit.
I want to address a couple of things from the comments:
1. We were together for 1 year and 4 months. He was NOT with me during law school. He was NOT with me when I was going through the 16 rounds of chemo or my surgery. However, he WAS with me for radiation, additional HER2 treatment, and bar prep.
He was not my main caretaker, though. My mom and dad uprooted their whole life to come take care of me. However, he would take me to appointments and supported me emotionally. I’m definitely not overlooking any of that. I’ll forever be grateful for him because of that.
2. I didn’t answer the call because I was literally doing the oath when the calls were coming in. I had to pay attention to the oath and be ready to repeat it. Also, I wasn’t going to answer the call and risk him start asking me why I wasn’t answer and interrupting the oath even more. There was too much going on and I didn’t have a moment to pause.
3. For those discussing my writing: this isn’t a legal brief. It’s an online post. Get over it.
4. For those asking why it was too complicated to have him go: I was on a work trip when my dad had the heart attack and strokes. I got home Saturday night and went to go see him Sunday morning. My plan was to stay there until the swearing in ceremony. My bf didn’t want to spend the night at my parents so he didn’t want to go.
He doesn’t have a license right now so he couldn’t drive over on Tuesday. I suggested he take a bus from where we live to my parents’ town. He didn’t want to do that either because he didn’t know where he would catch the bus from. I stopped suggesting solutions to the problem because he kept shutting them down.
Here's what people had to say about this update;
My first thought upon reading the original post was "is it possible he is just an idiot?"
This man will be a millstone around the neck of any partner who has the low self esteem to accept him. Thank goodness OP got away
Good for you OP! All the best to you and your dad’s recovery