"AITA if don't attend a funeral?"
I work from home full time, and I have an old coworker, whom I have never met but spoke to a few times on teams who passed away. This coworker was no longer working with the company and I only started with the company a few months before he stopped working there.
Recently, I found out this coworker passed away. Although I'm sad for him and his family, there is a funeral on Saturday and I was not planning to attend. I was gifted a Christmas Event to take myself, my 7 year old daughter and my husband to, and would then need to return from the event quickly, get ready for a funeral (and buy clothes for a funeral...
I don't own anything nice to wear and am financially strapped), and drive about an hour each way out of town in winter driving conditions to attend the funeral on Saturday.
I was asked if I was attending the funeral by my manager, and had mentioned that since I did not know this coworker, and although offer my condolences, I would not be attending - I also mentioned I have plans and the drive would make time tight. I was guilted in saying that I should be going and that everyone else is going, and it's a show of support for his family.
As much as I understand this, I do not know this man, I've never met anyone in his family, and I've spoken to him maybe a few short times on teams, and I have a young daughter that I promised to spend this time with.
Now I'm wondering if I've done the wrong thing and should be attending? I've never been to a funeral before and the thought of this is making me incredibly anxious. AITA? Should I be attending the funeral?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
That_Bee_Baker said:
NTA. You don't have to go. You didn't know this man. You can write a kind note to his family, and if there's a plan to pitch in for flowers, you might contribute to that if you want to. And next time say that you're unable to attend something like this because of family obligations with no further details.
iaposky said:
NTA. Funeral attendance is a VERY personal choice and people shouldn’t be judged by it.
Napoleon333 said:
NTA - the company and any senior management shouldn't be guilting you to do anything with your own free time. End of discussion IMO. This isn't someone you're close to and there is no reason to assume that "everyone" is going.
Maximum_System_7819 said:
NTA for not going. You did not have to volunteer all of that information to your manager and it would probably better if you hadn’t. It’s not wrong to volunteer info, but some people take that as an excuse to judge your reasons and push back. Just write a nice card.
Pretend_Speech6420 said:
NTA. Why do I suspect this boss uses the phrase “we’re a family” to guilt people too. Coworkers are not family. You owe them nothing off the clock. Ron Swanson said it best by calling coworkers work proximity associates.
Jerseygirl2468 said:
NTA you never met this person, you being there wouldn't mean anything to his family. Next time you're in that position "I'm sorry, I'm unavailable" is better than "I have plans" and then you don't need to elaborate because it's not their business.