"AITA if my friend's dog is more important to me than my BF?"
We dated (he broke up with me) for just under five months. I felt like he was always two steps ahead of me in the relationship. He wanted to be exclusive after our second date (felt early to me, but I liked him and agreed), said I love you three months in and asked to move in together a month ago. I turned down the request to move in together. We weren't there yet.
My best friend asked me to watch his dog while he is out of the country, which I agreed to do. My boyfriend was upset when he found out and asked why I didn't consult him. I said it had nothing to do with him. He said it effected his ability to visit me, since he doesn't like dogs. I said we can just hang out at his apartment. This was our first real argument, by the way.
Since we hadn't fought before, I wasn't anticipating how emotional he would get. He said he felt like he wasn't a priority. When he said that I felt very irritated, like I was talking to a child. He then said "what's more important to you, me or your friend's dog?" I immediately said the dog, just to annoy him.
He said if that's how I felt we should break up. I said I was okay with that if that's what he wants. He said it is and he left. I am not upset about the breakup exactly. I am upset with myself for my behavior though. Of course a person is more important to me than an animal. It was a witchy thing to say. Do I owe him an apology for that, or should I let sleeping dogs lie and forget the whole thing?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
smart_asterisk said:
NTA - He was love bombing you and all was going well until you said no to moving in. So he tried to pull a power move by giving you an ultimatum (me or the dog) and it didn’t go his way. You have avoiding a huge red flag of a partner, keep it that way!
Junior-Trade5338 said:
NTA. You know this has nothing to do with the dog, right? Once you said you were watching "his dog" I knew where this was going. He's jealous and he feels you're prioritizing your male friend over him. Let sleeping dogs lie. Move on.
Present-Reflection84 said:
NTA. He’s going to try to undump you to see if this behavior is something he can get away with. Don’t let him.
W0nderingMe said:
NTA. The dog WAS more important because you had across responsibility for a living being who was then dependent on you. You and your boyfriend could have still spent time together. He is a drama chaser. Bullet dodged.
InformalSolutionM8 said:
Your dog? No. Your friend's dog? YTA.
New-Waltz-2854 said:
You are absolutely NTA. You were entrusted with the care of your best friend’s dog. Of course you are going to be more concerned about making sure it is safe and well taken care of. Frankly, you’re much better off and it’s best to let the guy go.
SlothsGonnaSloth said:
NTA. Your response may have been to irritate him, but think about why your subconscious may have thought it was a good idea. Something in the back of your mind (the part that made you recognize it was all too fast, maybe) put that response there. You know an ultimatum like that should be a deal-breaker.
No-Jacket-800 said:
ESH. You both acted like children. Leave it be.