'AITA if I ban my bridesmaid from wearing her dress to other events?'
"AITA if I ban my bridesmaid from wearing her dress to other events?"
I’m getting married this summer and I’ve been trying hard to be a “chill bride.” My family and myself are doing most of the planning. My cousin is letting us stay at her house in Antioch, TN, just outside in Nashville so we’re saving money before the bachelorette party and another cousin has a van and we’re all driving down together so we just have to split the cost of gas.
None of us are exactly swimming in cash and I wanted to keep costs down as much as possible. I also told my bridesmaids, if there’s anything about my wedding stressing you out, let me know. I’m the only one that should be stressing and before this little scenario, I was feeling pretty good.
Anyway, I found these perfect cocktail dresses at Anthropologie, inclusive sizing, great color and the holy Grail they were on sale. I made a deal with the bridesmaids. I'd buy the dresses if they covered any necessary alterations, everyone was happy. I gave everyone their dresses. Everyone looks fabulous and we’re all happy, who said planning a wedding was hard?
Enter Roxy: back in December I saw a photo of Roxy at her work Christmas party wearing the bridesmaids dress. I’ll admit it bugged me. I wanted the big reveal at the wedding to feel special not like a rerun of an HR office mixer, but I bit my tongue because none of our mutual friends were there so I’m not going to stress myself out about something I felt like was kind of petty.
The problem is we have a mutual friend getting married in June, one month before my wedding. A lot of my wedding guests will be at this wedding, and when I asked Roxy what she was wearing she casually said “Oh I’m just wearing the bridesmaids dress from your wedding. I look hot in it and it’s my favorite.” I paused.
I told her I didn’t want her wear the bridesmaid uniform as a guest to a wedding filled with our mutual friends right before my big day. Well, now Roxy thinks I’m being a bridezilla. She pointed out that I did say I wanted them to have a dress that they could wear again. (I meant after the wedding obviously) she then dropped the bombshell that she’s already worn it to several events. I might’ve snapped.
I told her that since I bought the dress, I didn’t want her to wear it again until after my wedding she hit back in that since she paid for the alterations, she’s invested just as much money into the dress as I did which thanks to the sale might actually be true.
My other bridesmaids are on my side, but Roxy thinks I’m overreacting because it’s just a dress. Am I the ahole for wanting the first time our friend group sees her in the dress to be when she’s standing at the altar with me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
badedum said:
I was all prepared to say YTA from the title, but given it’s before your wedding I think you’re NTA. It just feels weird to me that your friend is treating it as an ordinary dress when she hasn’t even worn it to the occasion it was purchased for.
International-Fee255 said:
NTA. She really runs the risk of ruining the dress before the wedding and repeated washing and wearing might mean not looks shabby compared to the other bridesmaids on the day. It's really common sense that you don't wear something like this before the event it was purchased for.
ghenghy26 said:
NTA. My concern would be that something happens to the dress before the wedding. What if she gets a stain that won’t come out or the repeated washings cause the color to fade so it doesn’t match the others? It’s great she loves the dress, but she should understand why she should wait until the wedding to start wearing it.
IcePrincess_Not_Sk8r said:
NTA - She's going to wear the dress you bought her to wear as a bridesmaid for your wedding to a wedding where everyone who knows you all are guests before your wedding? Yikes. That's super tacky, and I would be upset by that, for sure.
Grouchy_Button_2101 said:
NTA. I have never in my life heard of bridesmaids wearing their dresses to multiple events before the wedding even if they purchased it themselves. That is nuts.
HootinHollerHill said:
NTA. People generally understand NOT to wear the bridesmaid dress BEFORE the wedding. The fact you paid for the dress adds to the “my rules, my way” factor. What if she tears the dress? Or stains it?
She can’t replicate it again (most likely the sale price was because it was going out of season and unless she were to get lucky and find it on a reseller like Poshmark). She can do whatever she wants AFTER, not before. Every bridesmaid in the world has understood this simple guideline. Roxy is not being helpful.
CoverCharacter8179 said:
NTA, I think you're being totally reasonable. I would go so far as to say that Roxy should have known not to do this without you having to tell her, but even if I'm wrong about that, arguing with you when you did tell her was a clear AH move.