"AITA if I disinherit my estranged daughter?"
10 years ago I found out that my wife of 30 years and the mother of my two children was cheating on me for over a year and a half by the time I found out, and what hurt more than that is that my then 17 year old daughter fully knew about it from the very beginning and said absolutely nothing to me about it, because her mom “deserved better."
And after the divorce I never saw her again because she was already 18 so there was no custody battle and my older son was 25 at the time and he had no idea about it as well and he was so upset and angry about it he cut them off and has no contact with either of them.
Still to this day my daughter hasn’t reached out to me at all, I genuinely thought I was a good supportive dad to her and I still don’t understand why she did that, I tried reaching out hundreds of times but I’m blocked on all her socials and I don’t know her number or where she lives or even if she’s still alive or not.
7 months ago I was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer and honestly I don’t feel like I have much time left anymore, my son and his wife offered to take me in after my diagnosis and I’m so grateful for them, and I’m really thinking about my will right now, part of me wants to give something to my daughter...
...because in my mind she’s still my little girl even after everything but another part of me remembers her betrayal and how my son stepped up for me countless times and how he’s been housing me in my final days and I feel it won’t be fair for him if I give him the same as someone who hasn’t been there for a decade and who also destroyed my life.
And my son has a young growing family and I wanna leave something to my lovely grandchildren who won’t leave my side. Would it be wrong if I leave everything to my son?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Impossible_Ad_4182 said:
NTA she disengaged from the relationship first. She obviously must believe that you are awful if she was willing to cut you off and lie about her mother's affair so she shouldn't want or need anything from you.
Your son supported you then and is taking care of you now. I would maybe consult an attorney on what they would recommend to make sure she couldn't challenge the will, like seeing if you need to leave her a token amount but other than that I would leave it all to your son.
miyuki_m said:
NTA, but you should ask your lawyer. My parents are estranged from my sibling, and the lawyer suggested leaving them a small token amount and adding a clause that states anyone who contests the will gets nothing.
The lawyer said this would make it virtually impossible to get the will overturned. They weren't excluded, and it wasn't an accident or oversight. Their inheritance was deliberately reduced because of their behavior toward our parents.
Original_Cranberry68 said:
NTA.. first sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Have a forward looking view.. her mom deserved better...you also deserve better by moving on from people who don’t value you. Spend time with your son and treat your DIL as your daughter.
Round-Place548 said:
I’m so sorry. If this is what your heart tells you to do then do it. NTA.
johncate73 said:
NTA. She abandoned you and is not entitled to anything from your estate.
tooshitiger said:
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this on top of everything, that’s awful. If it were me, I’d give the estate to the son who actually showed up, loyalty and care in your last years matter more than a title on a birth certificate. Your daughter made her choice and then vanished, you don’t owe her parity for that. Do what gives you peace.
tiggergirluk76 said:
NTA. She will already have accepted getting nothing of shes gone no contact. She will probably inherit from her mother and your son probably won't. Look after your son and his children. We can't judge anyone else in this tale as we don't know why your daughter thought your wife deserved better.