'AITA if I don't go to my sister's wedding?' 'We have the money, but it would have to come from our emergency fund.'
"AITA if I don't go to my sister's wedding?"
My (36M) sister (33F) is getting married in March. She's having a destination wedding in Mexico, and we have to RSVP/reserve our resort booking by early December. I looked into the stay and airfare, and it would be 5-6 grand (not counting having to get passports, clothes, etc...) for me and my husband to go.
This is uncomfortably expensive for us. We have the money, but it would have to come from our emergency fund, and it would take us a while to save that much money again. I mentioned how expensive this feels to my mother, and she made it clear that she expects us to be there.
She said she and my dad could cover part of the cost, but I don't feel comfortable accepting that. For some context, my sister and I did not get along growing up. As adults, we're cordial but not close. She moved far away many years ago, and we can go years without seeing each other in person.
We do occasionally exchange messages or memes. She was at my wedding, but we got married at city hall, and it was just kind of a happy accident that she happened to be in town at the time.
My husband and I don't like to travel or go to parties due to anxiety; we're introverted homebodies who prefer hanging out at home with friends we already know. I feel like we're being expected to spend a lot of money that we never normally would just due to familial obligation/expectation.
My husband agrees about it being too expensive but says he'll accept my decision on whether or not we go. I know we can expect some family pushback/disappointment, but WIBTA if we don't go?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
bookworm-mama5 said:
NTA. The financial reason is plenty to support your decision. And while many things are not important to cave to family pressure for, I also always look at picking my battles, mainly because I do not enjoy drama in my life and these battles can cause long term drama.
In this case, if I was in your position, I would personally accept the financial help from my parents to attend. I would participate in the wedding festivities with my spouse, and take much of the rest of the week to relax and rest and recharge. I am also a shy and introverted person so I would likely not mingle with anyone I didn’t know beyond polite greetings.
Choosing not to do this would not make you an AH, to be clear, it’s just a matter of which situation you would prefer long term: having spent a part of your savings (but not the full 5ish K) and a week a bit out of your comfort zone.
(That you could make the best of and you and your husband may end up loving) or the long term resentment/disappointment/ anger/ etc from your parents, sister and any others that agree with them.
Ireland1169 said:
NTA. Destination wedding are hit & miss, they are expensive & time consuming. Just decline, send a present to their home & leave it at that. You're an adult.
BisonSuccessful said:
If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. I don’t know when it became acceptable to go into debt to do things that other people expect you to do. On the flipside, your parents have offered to cover half of the cost, so if you decide to go, I would take your parents up on the offer.
They’re the ones insisting that you attend. You’re not the AH though if you decide not to go. People who book destination weddings should expect that not everyone can afford a trip to watch them get married.
VelvetPenguin87 said:
NTA. Part of hosting a destination wedding is accepting that not everyone can & will swing for it. Heck, a lot of the reason to host a destination wedding is so that you can cut down on attendees.
I will say, it sounds like its important to your mom and it could be a really great time. My family and I still talk about a trip to Mexico for a cousin's wedding almost 20 years ago, and the members who didn't make it felt very left out.
If you can reach a number that you're comfortable with mom covering/you paying that'd be great, but if traveling and being a part of the wedding is just not a priority for you then noone can blame you for not shelling out.
MadderHatter32 said:
NTA. “Uncomfortably expensive” is explanation enough to me.
periwinklenimbus said:
NTA- people who have destination weddings should expect that not everyone on their guest list will be able to go. It’s costly and even if your parents pay some of it you will still have to foot the remainder of the bill. I would suggest a simple celebration dinner when they get back as a way to celebrate.
Positivelythinking said:
NTA. I normally opt out of destination weddings altogether. When I vacation I love feeling free to do as I like with whoever I like. No forced activities. Plus I prefer control of my travel budget.
Prestigious-Use4550 said:
NTA. If you haven't already applied for passports you probably won't get them in time anyway.