'AITA if I don't help a relative?' They wasted their money buying a house for 2.8 million.'
"AITA if I don't help a relative because they wasted their money buying a house for 2.8 million?"
I [M40] have a blended family and a cousin [M34] on my step-parent's side who used to be close to me. However, due to him moving abroad and conflicts over an inheritance, we no longer talk these days.
Recently, I've been receiving calls from various local and overseas relatives asking for financial help for my cousin. He has defaulted on his house payments and is more than six months behind on mortgage and loan repayments because his wife [native Chinese] convinced him to buy a house in Shanghai.
He [ABC, by the way] had a good job in what should have been a stable company, but 2020 f'ed them hard, and he has never recovered. Apparently, it seems he got laid off eight months ago.
When we were still talking, and he told me that he was going to buy this ludicrously expensive 2.8 million RMB house (about 400k USD) that was basically a concrete box.
I told him he was insane and would regret it for many reasons, but particularly because he would never actually own the place due to Chinese laws.
Now, four years later, he still owes nearly 2 million RMB on his mortgage since his payments have only been covering the interest, and near an additional 1 million RMB in loans for the decorations used to make that naked concrete box a place you can live in.
I am a teacher in the US, and I don't earn enough money to own my own damn house, so how am I supposed to give someone else money to pay off theirs when I warned them this would come back to bite them HARD?
In the Chinese real estate market, you are always just one bad day or one conman away from losing three generations of savings. This house was so expensive (for him) that it took up 70% of his monthly income just to pay the interest on the mortgage.
Now, I am being harassed for his stupidity to help him out of this hole because I let on that I had a decent savings account. It's not house money, but I want to buy a new new car; something nice for once and not just new to me. Even my biological family is giving me grief about this. But I don't want to help. Will I be the as#hole if I don't help them?
EDIT:
Thanks for the comments and reassurance, Asian family guilt is a crazy WMD on it's own. Yea so they are trying get everyone to "donate" to cousin. All of this is because one auntie overheard me talking about getting a new car and they all started circling like vultures, and the guilt has been raining for days.
Here's top commenters had to say about this one:
YouthNAsia63 said:
Don’t help them? Block them. You couldn’t help even if you wanted to. Helping or not helping isn’t even a question for you. Annny money you may be able to scrape together to send them will be like it’s going into a black hole. NTA.
obiwanshinobi87 said:
NTA and don’t give them a penny. I’m Chinese and I’m familiar with these customs. These people are always looking for family handouts and won’t stop if you don’t nip this in the bud.
I have family in China that I’ve never even met and they’ve badgered us for years for money. The final straw was when my dad flew some of them over to the US to attend my wedding and they had the nerve to ask him for $20K while living here under his roof as guests.
Cuteee_Bunnyyy said:
NTA. You warned him about the risks involved in buying such an expensive house, and he chose not to listen to your advice. It's not your responsibility to bail him out of a financial situation that he created for himself.
faeriekitteh said:
NTA. Someone needs to learn the harsh consequences of their actions. Your family would crowdfund amongst themselves to help him out - but they won't. Says more about them.
You worked your backside off and deserve something for yourself. Don't give it to someone who makes rash decisions and screws themself over.
jrm1102 said:
NTA - you are not an AH for not funding someone’s poor financial decisions.
extinct_diplodocus said:
NTA. You warned him that it was a ridiculously bad investment. Now people want you to throw money into this ridiculous investment when he's so far underwater that a submarine couldn't rescue him? Just no!