"AITA if I fire my care-aid for stealing food?"
I have been paralyzed since I was a teenager as a result of a car accident. Since my injury, I have gone back to school, earned my master’s degree, married the love of my life, and now work full time.
Here is the thing: I am usually very independent, but our shower is not accessible. When my husband is not traveling for work, he helps me daily with transferring to the shower bench . He stands in front of me and holds my legs as I transfer to the shower bench and then again transfer back to my wheelchair when I’m done. When he travels, I hire a woman named Melissa to do the same.
Melissa is 33 and has six children, ages 9 to 17. She told me last month that her second husband left her. He has always been a deadbeat, so she receives no support from him. Her 17 year old gave birth in October, so now she also has to support her baby.
I asked her if she was looking for a full time job. I told her that if she was, she should put herself first and not worry about scheduling conflicts with me. She said no, she likes spending time with her kids. She is also receiving aid from the government, about $500 per month per child until they turn 18, and she does not want that amount to be lowered since it is income based.
I have bought her groceries a few times, around $300 each, and another time I bought diapers, formula, and clothes for her grandbaby. Last week, my husband was away for a work project for 5 days. Now that he is back, we noticed that some food items are missing, two loaves of bread, two boxes of waffles, and some lunch meat. She probably took them from the deep freezer while I was in the shower.
I am sad because if she had asked me, I probably would have bought them for her. I understand that times are hard, but taking advantage of my trust really bothers me. Theoretically, I could install a nanny cam next time and fire her over this, but then I feel guilty that I would be cutting off her source of income and punishing her for trying to feed her kids.
I told my husband I feel like Inspector Javert, who threw Jean Valjean in prison over a loaf of bread. What should I do? AITA for installing cameras?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
liquormakesyousick said:
This is not someone who is stealing from a store. This is someone who is stealing from someone's home-their inner sanctuary. I could not have someone who stole from me in the place where I should feel most secure. OP did everything she could to help her care aid. Poor people can be AH too. OP is NTA and should fire this woman.
TaxiLady69 said:
NTA. I would sit her down and tell her that you know that she has stolen from you it is not acceptable. You have no choice but to let her go because you can't have someone in your home who is untrustworthy.
I'd also let her know that some people would absolutely call the police over this, and she is getting off lucky. She took advantage of your kindness and then stole from you. I have been doing in home care for the same family for 15 years. I would never take anything from their home it's theft, and its wrong.
redlips_rosycheeks said:
NTA - she didn’t steal from a corporate chain grocery store, she stole from her employer’s HOME. She has the option to pursue full time employment but refuses. You’ve bought her groceries and goods numerous times, knowing her circumstances.
The issue isn’t that she is in need and made a mistake, it’s that she knowingly, deliberately, and repeatedly violated your trust, stole from your resources, and compromised the security of your home.
I work in the disability sector - this is such a prevailing issue in the caregiving sector, and I hate how often individuals feel they can take advantage of their charges or their care families. And unfortunately, many of my peers share similar concerns around it as you - their reluctance to put someone else in need in a compromised position, or their anxiety around confronting someone they’ve been vulnerable with.
I don’t blame you for feeling icky at potentially “punishing” someone who needs extra support, but she had other options than stealing from her employer, and she proceeded to do so anyway, and over multiple items.
If I were you, I’d be sitting down with her and letting her know that I would no longer trust her in my home and that I’d be letting her go, but would not file a police report or compromising her ability to find another role, but that today is her last day with you, and you wish she’d instead come to you honestly instead of taking advantage of you and the trust you gave her in your home.
Inner_Perspective836 said:
NTA. She is stealing from you. She could better herself if she wanted to but is choosing to leach off the government. Don't feel guilty.
mcmurrml said:
No, you cannot allow this woman back in your home. She has options. There are food banks, food stamps. She can sue her deadbeat husband for child support. You have only noticed food at this point.
She is a thief and you have no idea if anything else is missing. Did you check your medications? Sorry, please don't have her back. You cannot trust her and her problems are not your problem. I promise you have her back and you will regret it.
Iammine4420 said:
So she’s receiving $3,000-$3,500 per month, from the government in addition to her income, and stealing from you and possibly other clients. Just wow. Definitely say something to her, then maybe go from there. This is just sad.