'AITA if I get birds instead of helping my sisters?' 'She threatened to call animal services.'
"AITA if I get birds instead of helping my sisters?"
I (34f) purchased a large "Victorian manor" fixer-upper a few years ago. It was a huge labor of love, everything needed replacing, from the roof to the studs. Little by little, I slaved over it, making it my own.
At some point in the house's history, a VERY LARGE glass atrium/aviary was built in the middle of the house. It spans all 4 stories, doming out over the roof like a skylight. In it is a mature tree that reaches the 3rd floor, as well as smaller vegetation, a small koi pond, and 2 benches. It is very much the focal point of the house. It's what sold me on the house in the first place.
The renovations of the house are coming to an end, including the reconstruction of the atrium. Every month, a professional comes to check the thermostat and humidity, misters, water ph, etc. On his next visit, he will bring the birds, teaching me how to care for them in-between visits. It's a huge undertaking and I am very much up to the challenge.
I have 2 sisters, ashley 25f and Katerina 36f. My relationship is strained at best with them, as I am usually little more than a walking ATM to them. The past year I have started to grow a spine, and they HATE it. I no longer pay their rents and car notes, and I stopped giving them allowances, asking them both to get jobs.
They say "family helps family," and I've done well for myself, so I should subsidize their lifestyles (very expensive lifestyles, I might add). During recent conversation, I told them I was excited to get my new birds. I had birds growing up and was eager to start this new adventure again.
My oldest sister says what I'm doing is animal abuse, forcing birds to stay trapped inside when birds belong outside. She even threatened to call animal services on me. My younger sister chimed in saying what a waste of money it is. That I could be using that money to help my sisters, since I know they did not take a summer vacation this year that I usually pay for each season.
They really went in on me hard, to the point I started to cry a little. My younger sister felt a little bad and said she shouldn't have been so harsh but I needed to hear the truth, and my older sister said she had nothing to apologize for. I left their apartment on bad terms.
They are still really upset with me, saying blood is thicker than water (or in this case, birds). I'm worried I've become so caught up in the excitement that I'm being an ahole. With my sisters, there never seems to be an end to my responsibilities. It's exhausting. I just wanted some birds. But maybe they are right. Am I the ahole for choosing birds over my own sisters?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
I appreciate everyone so much. It really gave me the strength in my resolve to go low contact for now. Also, I've received a few pms accusing me of tearing down a historical home, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I brought it back to it's original glory, which was the goal all along.
Intricate crown moldings and gold inlays restored, the original sweeping front banisters have been sanded of previous paint and returned to natural wood finishes, hell, even the dumbwaiter was restored to former glory. This house took blood, sweat, and tears to restore. I swear to you that I was not hasty or careless in it's restoration. This was not a "DIY" job.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Leather-Hand-4947 said:
Yuck. This is a small slice of life obviously. Do your sisters reciprocate in any way? Do they bring some kind of goodness or fulfillment to your life? If not, they’re leeches. Let them work to fund their own lifestyles. NTA—and your house sounds amazing. I love Victorian architecture!
xhevnobski said:
NTA. You didn't choose birds over your sisters. You chose them over their greed. Good on you for not subsidizing their life anymore and letting them take advantage of you.
External-Hamster-991 said:
NTA. It is time to spend less time with people who only value you for what you can give them.
CrazyOldBag said:
NTA. If “family helps family,” ask them what the hell they’ve done to help you. It sounds like the only answer they could give is “We helped lighten your wallet.” Moochers gonna mooch, but only if you let them. Cut them off completely, now. Tell them the gravy train has come to a screeching halt, and it’s high time they grew up. And STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Your house sounds gorgeous!
CrazyOldBag said:
NTA. If “family helps family,” ask them what the hell they’ve done to help you. It sounds like the only answer they could give is “We helped lighten your wallet.” Moochers gonna mooch, but only if you let them. Cut them off completely, now. Tell them the gravy train has come to a screeching halt, and it’s high time they grew up. And STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Your house sounds gorgeous!
ded517 said:
NTA, but stop enabling your sisters. They are adults and should be supporting their own expensive lifestyles.
Lily_Flowrs said:
NTA - you know why they’re treating you like sh$%? Because they’ve been mooching off of you for years (?) or however long. You’ve taken care of them while it seems they’ve refused to work or become self sufficient.
Anyone that says “family helps family” are usually the ones taking advantage of someone in their family. Don’t feel bad, your house sounds bomb as fuck and ENJOY what you’ve worked so hard for!
Wide-Serve-1287 said:
You're living my own personal dream with your home and birds! Please tell me there's a library full of old books. I'm absolutely disgusted by your sisters. They're far too old to be reliant upon a sibling to support their lifestyles. NTA. Go live your best life in your manor with your birds