"WIBTA if I tell my friend I don't like being around her kid?' 'I'm NOT rich.'
"WIBTA if I tell my friend I don't like being around her kid?"
I (32m) have a female friend (29f) that has a kid. I am at the point where I want to tell her to not bring her kid around me. This will be difficult because the kid has grown really fond of me.
The child is four years old, but I don’t like how she’s allowed to behave. She is still breastfeeding at that age, and she isn’t properly potty trained. To clarify, she can sometimes use the bathroom on her own, but other times she just soils herself. She doesn’t have any mental challenges.
On top of that, she has a cellphone that she’s glued to constantly. All of this annoys me, but since she’s not my child, I don’t comment. I mind my own business. The bigger problem is that this child cannot take no for an answer. When she’s with her mother, she bullies her by crying hysterically until her mom gives in to whatever she wants.
You might wonder how this affects me. Well, the child often cries hysterically for my laptop or smartwatch. I’m not rich, and I can’t afford for a kid to break my things. Once, her mom left her with me briefly while she went to grab something from the car.
During that short time, the child reached for my prescription glasses. When I refused to give them to her, she threw such a hysterical tantrum. The cries were so loud and gut wrenching that people thought I had hurt her. Will I be the ahole if tell my friend I do not like being around her kid?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
inkyblackops said:
NTA for not wanting to be around this kid, she sounds like a nightmare. But I wouldn’t say “your kid sucks and your parenting sucks” outright (even if it may be true.) I’d approach it by telling your friend you’d prefer to try and schedule more time without the daughter around.
If she pushes the issue, you don’t have to get into details but you can just say that being around her daughter is overstimulating and stresses you out. If that bothers her, she’s probably not a great friend to begin with.
Uubilicious_The_Wise said:
Well, that escalated quickly. Sounds like your friend is struggling with the challenges of parenthood. To be quite frank, it sounds like she is horrifically failing her child.
Look, NTA but, as she's your friend, you may want to ask her how she's coping and see if there's anything you can do to help. It's what I would do before anything else. Bluntly telling her not to bring her child around you will likely result in the dissolution of your friendship.
Romance-BookWorm-55 said:
Wait…a 4 year old has a cellphone???? That right there should’ve been a red flag. NTA, but as others have said, tread carefully because people with kids don’t take kindly to those of us without telling them what to do with their kid.
If you talk to her, don’t make it completely about the kid, make it about you and being overwhelmed because you don’t have kids so you don’t know how to take care of her properly. If she pushes back instead of talking to you like an adult, then she wasn’t much of a friend to begin with. Good luck.
Rubycon_ said:
NTA but I wouldn't say "I don't want to be around your kid' if this is a friendship you'd like to keep. I would be willing to say that about someone's romantic partner and be fairly ruthless about it if need be and let the chips fall where they may.
But she's going to be defensive about her kid. I would just specify you'd love some adult time with her, maybe tickets to a movie too boring for a kid, but it will probably have to be quality over quantity. Hell she may not want to bring her kid along all the time, but if she's a single mom or the dad is lazy and checked out, she may not have a choice.
solitarybydesign said:
NTA The parent isn't parenting and her child is spoiled as a result. If she doesn't get a handle on being a parent soon she will have no one who wants to be around her child.
CarbonationRequired said:
NTA. Your friend is failing this child.