Woman's friend hosts BBQ at her house with guests without permission; 'She told me she didn’t even have the party.'
"AITA for ignoring my friend’s phone calls after she invited herself, her spouse, her children, and her friends to my home for an impromptu BBQ without my permission?"
Away-Search784
My friend is having a hard time with her spouse, and really needs someone to be there for her while they work through their issues. We only just recently reconnected after not speaking for 4 years.
Now, every time she calls she asks me what I’m doing for the day or at that moment, and then invites herself, her family of 4, and some of her friends over to my house. Example 1 for clarity: Friday was her spouse’s birthday. Monday she told me her plan was to take him to dinner. Then she calls me Friday morning asking me what I was doing. I told her I was just watching a movie on my couch.
Then she says I know it’s last minute, but I want to come over and BBQ at your house. She said the kids could play together and we could hang out and have some drinks.
I hesitated initially, and then told her that I didn’t really have a lot of meat here nor was my home “company ready.” She responded that she would grab some more food and do all of the cooking.
Then I said okay. I cleaned up a little bit and then I received a second call. She excitedly told me that she invited her guy friend and he may bring a friend for me to talk to, AND a female friend of hers was also coming.
I was so shocked that she was trying to throw a party not just come over and hangout with just her family like she implied during the first call. Her family already was 4 people that I was not expecting which would have made a total of 8 people including my own children.
I have only met 2 of the 3 people she invited. She did not even ask if she could invite anyone else to my home or give out my address. Luckily, I got a call on the other line and told her I’d call back. 2 hours passed by and she called me repeatedly.
I decided to text her that something came up and I can’t host a party for her husband. I did not receive a response. I waited another 2 hours and then called her to see how the BBQ party was going. She told me she didn’t even have the BBQ party.
Like wtf? I asked her why she didn’t ask her friends to come to her apartment since she has her own BBQ grill and why didn’t she at least go out to dinner like she planned originally.
She literally didn’t even answer the first question, but said she didn’t want to spend a lot of money going out to eat. AITA for making up an excuse to end the call and then ignoring all of her repeated calls to confirm?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
SliceEquivalent825
NTA This is a friend? She sounds like a parasite, she's using you for your place. There was a reason you didn't speak. Is this a friendship worth keeping?
MisssChris126
Parasite. That’s the word I was looking for!
Lathari
"Parasite (parasitus) was an accepted role in Roman society, in which a person could live off the hospitality of others, in return for "flattery, simple services, and a willingness to endure humiliation."
At least in ancient times parasites knew their place.
mdthomas
Your home is not a public venue that she can just invite anyone to. NTA.
not_very_tasty
A lot of public venues require reservations, even free ones.
Minute_Cold_6671
NTA- my sister did this and then couldn't understand why she stopped being invited over. Like yeah, you can come over. 2 other friends and your BF (when you're still married) cannot. Now we don't talk because I'm "not supportive." It just boggles my mind that in our 40s she had to be told how rude it was to do this when it's not your house.
Worth-Season3645
NTA….Just say No. sorry, that will not be possible. And there is a reason you did not talk to her for four years. I would go back to no communication.
Winter_Raisin_591
NTA but jeez grow a spine. This girl isn't your friend. You're the convenient schmo that answered the phone after an extended time of not being in touch. You're being used. Think I'm lying? Call her randomly and tell her you and some people are coming by to hang out, play cards and have a party.
Get a pen and paper out so you can write down the numerous excuses she's about to give you. Or other similar scenarios where she would be expected to reciprocate the level of friendship she expects from you. Stop taking her calls.
Mysterious-Bag-5283
NTA who invited the guests to other people house without permission.
Maximum-Swan-1009
I don't think you should lie, you should simply learn to say no.
As an advice columnist used to say, "People cannot take advantage of you if you don't let them."
PurpleStar1965
“She invited a guy friend”. Was her husband even coming to this BBQ? Sounds like she wanted to entertain her guy friend without her husband around. Oh, and he was bringing a guy for you to talk to. Just ew. “No” is a complete sentence. Start saying that. Better yet, stop answering her phone calls. She is not a friend. NTA.
CrazyOldBag
Do yourself a huge favor and block her number and all social media. This is not a friend. This is someone who is willing to use people until she’s wrung them dry. Prop up your feet, get a lovely beverage, and order delivery for yourself while binge-watching your favorite show. You’ll have a MUCH better time!