'AITA for ignoring the GoFundMe my biological mother set up to fund treatment for one of her kids?'
"AITA for ignoring the GoFundMe my biological mother set up to fund treatment for one of her kids?"
The background to everything is that my dad died when I (21M) was 4.5 years old. After his passing my biological mother left me with my paternal grandparents and she just never tried to be a parent to me.
I saw her once when I was 6 and she was looking for money from my grandparents, who told her where to go. She didn't even check in with me to see how I was doing. It was just "give me money, he was my husband and I deserve it" and then she left again.
My grandparents were my legal guardians and they had custody of me until my 18th birthday. They never chased my biological mother for child support and instead saved for my future.
I had a small inheritance from my dad too and there were things of dad's that I wasn't interested in keeping that my grandparents sold and added to the inheritance from dad. Since my biological mother didn't want them either and the sentimental things dad loved were saved they felt it was for the best.
Two years ago my biological mother reached out to my grandparents via social media and asked for dad's things they had already sold. She said she needed the money from them.
They told her they were sold years ago and she wasn't getting a penny. She put two and two together and told them some of that should have went to her and they told her she forfeited it all and they had the messages to prove she wanted none of it at the time.
She just told them she had a kid with cancer who needed the money for treatments and my grandparents told her that dad was not funding another man's child's treatment.
Another year later my biological mother contacted me and said she wanted to talk about the money she knew I had and how it would help her and her husband a lot because they had four kids and one who was undergoing cancer treatments. I blocked her without replying.
Then a few months after this, this past summer to be more exact, she contacted me on another account and sent me the link to a GoFundMe where they were raising money for this treatment for their kid's cancer.
The money was only partially going directly to funding it but they also wanted to have someplace to stay and everything. I ignored the GoFundMe too and I never donated. It was two months later when I got a message from my biological mother's husband (a stranger to me) who was like this is your half sister and you should be helping her.
I ignored the message and blocked his account and I made that whole account private. But then my biological mother found a different account on a different platform and she DM'd me several times in a single night while I was asleep.
She told me I was running from my little siblings and a sick sibling who needed my help and I was doing it to punish her when they don't deserve it because they're innocent and blah blah blah.
I responded that they needed to leave me alone because I was not a part of her family and I was not interested in spending money on her children. Then I blocked her account.
So then she contacted my grandparents again and said they had raised me to be heartless and with no regard for my family. They told her where to go again. But it's crazy to me that they are so annoyed by this. Her husband was involved in yelling at my grandparents too and it's like what is this?
They're acting like we owe them or their kids something. She's nothing more than my biological mother. She's not a donor because she didn't do a generous thing by giving people the chance to have a kid, she's not some selfless person, she's not a caring mother either who made a simple mistake.
All she cares about is getting money from me. So her kids are nothing more to me than random kids I hear about on social media. This feeling grows with every interaction my grandparents or I have with this woman and her husband.
But I wanted to check and see what people think. Was ignoring the GoFundMe a bad move? I could have donated, it wasn't that I couldn't afford to donate anything, I simply didn't want to. Does that make me TA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. While it’s a horrible situation a child going through cancer and all that it entails it’s not your responsibility. You have a biological link to the kids but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to pick them out of a line up. The reality is bio donor wouldn’t have been in any contact with you but for the fact she needed something.
Tell her if she and her family don't leave you alone then you will go after her for the child support she never paid and file a restraining order. Consider reaching out to a lawyer to send a cease and desist.
NTA also you might want to consider having your grandparents legally adopt you or at least your grandma if you want to keep your bio dad on your birth certificate. It has some legal benefits when it comes to inheritance and things like that. Doesn't hurt to look into it and see if it's would be beneficial to you all.
Elijoyhh (OP)
I considered adoption briefly but my grandparents and I agreed that we didn't want dad's name taken off my birth certificate. So instead of them adopting me they are named as my emergency contacts if anything happens to me, I'm in their will and will get whatever % my dad would have got and we have things in place that takes away the need for the adoption.
It would feel weird to be adopted just by grandma as much as I love her it would feel wrong to have just her over grandpa but having grandpa adopt me erases my dad. If she actually tries to contact me again I'll speak to an attorney. But I can't do it on my grandparents behalf and right now my grandparents are being contacted and not me.
NTA in NO WAY EVER. Hilarious they are pulling the “family” card. Like what family?! The baby you abandoned and never even contributed to financially in your entire life is in no way responsible to help save you, your family or your kid, at all financially now that he’s grown.
Calling you heartless? That’s rich, where was her heart when you were growing up? Where was she when you were sick and needed a mother’s care. Forget her and her family. You are a stranger to her and her expecting you to help is no different than her approaching a random stranger on the street and asking for money. They either give it or they don’t.
NTA of course. Cherish your grandparents. Try to ignore them. Best of luck in your life...
Elijoyhh (OP)
I cherish my grandparents every day. They gave me an amazing life with them and it meant I was lucky and got to learn more about dad as I was growing up.
These people are grifters. They want money. Period. You have no way of controlling what would happen to any money you would give them. It would go in their pockets. They’re using those other kids like they tried to use you with your grandparents even after they abandoned you. Here’s the test: If you had no money would she be so keen to contact you?