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'AITA for ignoring my husband after finding him in a shirt his 'work wife' bought him?'

'AITA for ignoring my husband after finding him in a shirt his 'work wife' bought him?'


"AITA for ignoring my husband after finding him in a shirt his 'work wife' bought him?"

I (F30s) have been with my husband (M30s) for 5 years. Recently, in the last year, he has started a new job position, where his role is shared with his co-worker, Chelsea (F20s). I’ve noticed that his co-worker, has increasingly pushed my limits of my comfort, and I frankly just don’t trust her.

I’ve known Chelsea and her family for years prior to my marriage and I wasn’t keen on her then either. She does and says strange things that I don’t believe are malicious, but it’s almost like she wants to be a second wife to him?

I don’t feel insecure about her, but I feel creeped out. She’s shared with me that she sees my husband as like her brother, which irks me because she has an awesome brother…and I’m friends with her brother. She often calls, texts, and facetimes about work related and unrelated topics and I’ve heard someone refer to her as his “work wife.”

Unfortunately, my MIL passed last month, and it has been utter hell. In the midst of grief, Chelsea texted asking how my husband was doing and how she “cries every day thinking about him” and had told me that she knows exactly what I’m going through (no she doesn’t) and that she can’t wait to give my husband a huge hug.

Fast forward a little bit and she was drunk at a party and saw my husband leaving, where she confronted him about why he was leaving. He told her “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing,” resulting in her panic texting him after to make sure they were okay and trying to get him to talk to her by saying, “you can open up and talk to me or vent or just tell me to stfu”.

Strange to me. There have been more instances, but I know I have a limit. Anyways, his birthday was last week and she called him asking his shirt size and she made it a point to let him know she’ll never forget his birthday. Like why are you so creepy sometimes gf.

Yesterday, I’m cleaning the kitchen when he walks in and I notice he's wearing an unfamiliar shirt. I asked if it was new and he said “Chelsea got it for me” and my blood boiled. Instant rage and I went quiet. He asked if I cared and I remained silent and walked away.

I’m usually a huge communicator, but his mom just passed and he asked for no drama, and I’m trying my hardest to respect that, but I know I have zero patience and want to tell him it’s effing weird how involved a coworker is trying to become in his life and she needs to back down and focus on her own engagement.

Everyone I talk to says I’m not in the wrong and she’s being creepy, but I feel bad for ignoring my husband and walking away from him. I saw he looked upset and confused, but I know he’s already overwhelmed with grief and don’t want to make things worse. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Talk to your husband immediately and say "this isn't drama, this is threatening our relationship. You need to set boundaries with this coworker and you need to do it now. No more calling her your work wife, no more of this weird clingy friendship.

You become coworkers and you draw lines, this is too much and that shirt is the last straw. Stop it now. You might not see it, but she's either inappropriate by nature or she's trying to start an affair."

OP doesn’t realize she’s playing right into Chelsea’s hand by not communicating with her husband, if anything this is exactly what Chelsea wants, he’s in an fragile and emotional state right now and since OP is giving him the cold shoulder this means Chelsea can and certainly will use this as an opening to become his comfort and support!

This is how emotional affairs start… Op needs to communicate with her husband and quick!


And ask him how he'd feel if you came home wearing a dress a dude had bought for you.


Your husband wants no drama, but he wore the shirt? Could have changed in the car and thrown the shirt away, could have even refused the shirt………but he accepted and wore it……..did she even fasten his tie?

He’s enabling her behaviour! Dead MIL or not! He is enjoying the attention of a younger female. My concern is if he uses the excuse of grief as a means for something to happen between those 2.


Mental health professional here, hard agree with everyone saying you need to have an honest conversation with your husband. Express you understand he’s grieving, but that is not an excuse to let someone disrespect you and your marriage.

Tell him he’s at a crossroads where he either chooses your relationship, or keeps going on the path he’s on and this inappropriate work relationship escalates.

He may have no intention of that happening, but when I have spoken to people who have cheated with coworkers, they didn’t intend to cheat, they were just chatting and sharing and it got away from them. Grieving people are an easy target for people with bad intentions.

Sources: Reddit
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