'AITA if I refuse to invite both members of my cousin's throuple to my wedding?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I don’t invite my cousin’s throuple to my wedding?"

I’m getting married this year and while I’m incredibly excited, it’s come with a few unexpected dilemmas. I think I’m a pretty tolerant and accepting person. About 5 years ago, my mom came out as gay and I was very happy for her that she could now be her true self. She married my step mom a few years ago who has brought so much joy to her life and I love the two of them very much.

I am also inviting another lesbian couple and a gay couple to my wedding. In addition, we also invited my cousin who is transgender. My family for the most part is pretty accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. I have one aunt who refused to come to my mom’s wedding because my mom was gay so I am not inviting this aunt to my wedding.

My fiancé’s mom expressed that their side of the family may not be as accepting as mine and they may have a problem with seeing gay and transgender people at my wedding. I asked for names of who she thought might be an issue since I don’t want anyone at my wedding who will cause a scene.

My fiancé and I reached out to these family members individually to discuss and none of them seemed to have an issue with it. Honestly, I think his mom is secretly the one with the issue and she was just trying to pawn her discomfort off onto others but I digress. Now onto the main issue…

My wedding is a few months away and my cousin, Tammy, reached out to me and asked if she could have an additional plus one so she could bring the other two members of her throuple relationship. Tammy was not in this relationship when I initially sent out save the dates earlier this year so we had only planned to give her one plus one initially.

While we have the room to give her the extra plus one and I’m really happy that my cousin is happy in her new relationship, here are my issues with this:

1.) Tammy lives several states away from the rest of our family and no one else knows she’s in a throuple. I don’t like the idea of her essentially “coming out” at my wedding and taking the focus away from me and my fiancé. Prior to this, she has only ever been in monogamous heterosexual relationships so this would be quite the news for everyone.

2.) Tammy’s mom, Tasha, is very religious. I don’t think Tasha knows her daughter is in a throuple. Tasha is helping us out tremendously with decorations for our wedding all as a wedding gift to us. And even though Tasha is accepting of the other LGBTQ+ family members we have, I’m not so sure she’ll be as accepting of her daughter’s new relationship.

3.) My fiancé’s mom already seems nervous about the LGBTQ+ family members we have coming. Inviting a throuple might just push her over the edge.

My mom thinks I should invite Tammy’s partners since she views it the same as not inviting someone because they’re gay. My fiancé isn’t really on board with inviting them because it’s a new relationship and he doesn’t want to cause any issues with anyone or have the focus taken away from the two of us on our day. So what do you think? Will I be the a$$hole if I don’t invite them?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj said:

NTA Honestly, your wedding should not double, even incidentally, as her relationship reveal event. She must know there may be reactions from her family that could cause a disruption at the wedding.

It's not a matter of not accepting her relationships, it's a matter of there being a time and place for dealing with potentially loudly emotional and difficult family and relationship issues and your wedding isn't it.

I would keep the reason to yourself if possible and just tell her that you're sorry but you can't accommodate another plus one for her as you you are having to manage numbers and whatnot. Hopefully she'll leave it at that considering it's so close to the wedding.

Evil_Mel said:

NTA. I'd tell her you only planned for a plus one, not plus two and leave it at that.

And [deleted] said:

NTA. Other peoples events are not the place to come out. Which showing up as a throuple for the first time - a throuple no one knows about - is a come out. I’ll never understand why people can’t let other people have their moments. If you want your own special moment, plan and pay for it yourself.

UPDATE:

I reached out to Tammy and said I was fine with her inviting both her partners so long as she announced her relationship to the family prior to the wedding. She informed me that they actually broke up. The guy in the relationship decided he wasn’t comfortable with the throuple and the woman stuck by his side so my cousin is now single again.