'AITA for being a 'terribly unsafe' driver, but he still expects me to pick him up?'
"AITA - I'm apparently a terribly unsafe driver, but he still expects me to pick him up?"
My husband (43) and I (39) are in the midst of an argument and I need to know if I'm in the wrong. Back story, my husband grew up in a large city where he used his bike or public transportation to get everywhere, he never learned how to drive. I grew up in a small town, and got my drivers licence on my 16th birthday.
5 years ago during COVID we left the city, and bought a small townhouse about an hour way. We were both fully remote then, but now he has to go into the office 2 days a week. We're a 15 min drive from the commuter train, which takes 45 minutes.
In the morning he takes an uber to the station. We have an 8 year old, so I get her up, lunch made, dropped off at school, etc. Kiddo is in aftercare, so I pick kiddo up around 5-5:30, and if husband is downtown we head to the train station to get him.
Our kiddo is in an extracurricular activity twice a week. I asked him to come with us to drop her off, get groceries while kiddo is there, and he can see how much kiddo has progressed since last time he came. He reluctantly agreed. He was not downtown that day, he just wanted to be lazy at home.
On the way home we were stuck behind a truck going slow. I didn't mind. I wasn't tailgating or anything. The truck suddenly pulled to the side of the road but he was still in the lane, his tires were like a foot over the white line. But he rolled his window down and very aggressively indicated he wanted me to pass him.
There was a car coming from the opposite direction, so I slowed down and stopped just behind the trucks, waiting for the car to pass. The truck driver was waving his arm around like mad, and honked his horn at me? When it was safe to pass, I flipped him the bird.
IMMEDIATELY he slams on the gas, honked his horn multiple times, and tailgated me until he finally turned right. My husband LOST it the whole time, yelling at me that I never should have flipped him off, people are insane, I never should have escalated the issue, etc.
Once we got home, I sent kiddo upstairs to get changed while we unloaded groceries and made her a snack. As soon as she was gone, I turned to my husband and said "You CANNOT speak to me like that" but before I even finished he started YELLING again saying "get over yourself! You put us in danger! It's not all about you! Why do you need to flip people off just ignore them!"
I just walked away, I was furious but didn't want kiddo to hear us argue. He never apologized. We still haven't even talked about it, but he was downtown today and texted me asking me if I was running late because I didn't show up to pick him up at the train station.
I just texted back "get over yourself". He took an uber home, and asked me if I plan to "continue to be a jerk." ... and I told him if I'm such an unsafe driver he can figure it out for himself. Was I the asshole for flipping the truck idiot the bird in the first place? And am I in the wrong for refusing the drive husband anywhere after he was a jerk?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NiobeTonks says:
Do what you like when you’re alone in the car, but don’t provoke other drivers when there are passengers in your car. Your husband needs to learn to drive or find a cheap option to get to and from the station. ESH.
traviall1 says:
YTA- why would you demo having road rage in front of your kid and husband? It actually isn't safe.
ExcellentMaize4141 says:
I think I would go with ESH. I think he does have a point. That was an issue you should not of escalated, especially with your kid in the car. There are some crazy people out there, and it's best not to escalate.
EmptyStyle244 says:
YTA. First of all coming for that ridiculously long and unnecessary prologue. All you had to say was that you and your husband were in the car and you were driving and then describe the incident. He did not call you an unsafe driver. He said your actions, which are actually behavioral and not driving, put you at risk, which they did.