'WIBTA if i talk to my husband about how he hurts me when he spends his money?'
"WIBTA if i talk to my husband about how him spending his money is hurting me?"
I (f26) got married to my husband (m29) two years ago. Before marriage, I used to work. It was nothing fancy or a lot of money, but it was mine. After marriage, my husband wanted me to stop working and be a housewife, saying he earns comfortably and will take care of both of us. He wanted to be a provider.
Since the beginning of our marriage, it has been a struggle between the two of us. Even though he says he is earning for both of us, he never gives me money unless I beg or really need something important.
In the past two years, the only major expenses I have had have been food and takeout. I was raised to be a person who does not ask for things, so even asking for a little money always makes me feel guilty.
But where we live, it is difficult for me to go out and find a suitable job, and he does not want me to work at all. For the past two years, all I have heard from him is how we have to be careful about spending money and how the income has been low, even though he earns comfortably and I have no major expenses.
I have not indulged in shopping in a year. Now suddenly all I see him do is spend money on himself. A new iPhone 17 Pro Max. Diamonds. Gold. Clothes. Shoes. You name it. I am not upset that he is spending his own money on himself, but I am sad that in the past two years, he has not spent even a fraction of that on me, not on my birthday or our anniversary.
Even for small expenses, he suddenly remembers we are spending too much money. I feel very hurt. I should not have to think before buying skincare or a pair of pants because I am afraid he will be upset, while he can buy whatever he wants.
Shouldn’t there be some balance? Since it was his decision for me to be a housewife. Do not gift me diamonds, but at least take me shopping every now and then. Do not buy me gold, but at least let me buy that expensive lipstick I have wanted for so long. Do not get me the latest phone, but at least do not make me feel guilty about spending a few dollars while you spend hundreds and thousands on yourself.
Would I be the wrong one if I questioned him about his spending habits? After all, at the end of the day it is his money and not mine. But then what do I have to my name? Nothing. How can two people live under the same roof when one has to kill all their wants and the other lives theirs to the fullest?
It is like looking at a rich friend’s lifestyle and wishing it was yours, except that rich friend is your husband and you are financially dependent on him. So, would I be the wrong one if I talked to my husband about how his spending is hurting me?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Frequent-Ad4722 says:
NTA and you are in a bad relationship. You are essentially trapped and it sounds like it won’t improve unless you leave.
Lukarhys says:
NTA. Your husband is wrong here. He is not letting you work, and not giving you any money to have for yourself. This is not a fair relationship and he is not taking care of you as promised. Please reconsider this relationship.
Kukka63 says:
NTA, so he wanted you to be completely dependent on him in order for him to financially control you.
HuntAccurate9397 says:
NTA and the not your money does not fly legally, it’s your money too. What he is doing is financial abuse. Please go and see a lawyer!