"AITA for telling my parents I resent them for forcing me to wait in a hotel room while visiting family?'
"AITA for telling my parents I'm allowed to resent the times they dragged me to visit people who aren't my family?"
LollyFlie writes:
When I (17F) was 5, my mom married my stepdad. My stepdad's first wife had died a few years before that, and my stepsiblings were 8, 10, and 11 when my mom and stepdad got married. For the first year, they would go to their maternal grandparents' house two or three times a year for a week and stay longer in the summer.
But after that first year, my stepdad didn’t want them to go alone, so my parents decided that we would take a road trip and stay for as long as my stepsiblings were visiting their family. They would stay with their grandparents whenever they visited, but they also saw a bunch of other family members.
My mom, stepdad, and I would stay in really cheap, tiny places and do nothing—except for my stepdad, who would go somewhere with WiFi and work from his laptop. But that was it. The few times we saw my stepsiblings while we were there, it was obvious they were being spoiled.
What bothers me the most now that I’m older is that we barely saw them at all. And since they didn’t stay in the same place as us, all it did was rub it in that they had this family who loved and spoiled them, while I was bored out of my mind, just waiting to drive back with them.
I did get jealous. It wasn’t so bad at first. I’d feel a little jealous when they left and came back with stuff or when they got all these extra birthday and Christmas gifts, but it wasn’t extreme. But after a few years of staying in awful places and doing nothing for weeks at a time while my stepsiblings had a blast, I started to feel really resentful. \
My stepdad asked a few times if I could be included in some of the places they visited, but my stepsiblings’ grandparents always said no. My stepdad didn’t even ask privately—I’d hear him ask and hear them say no. So it sucked even more, and for a while, I felt embarrassed and hurt.
Then it got even more awkward when my stepdad would join them for a BBQ or lunch at their grandparents’ house. We’d all go, and my stepdad’s relationship with his first wife’s family was weird. Those people couldn’t have been more obvious that they didn’t want us there.
I was left watching kids play together while I was ignored, except for my mom and stepdad. My mom made excuses about why we did it and kept telling me it wouldn’t last forever. When I got older, I started pushing back on spending weeks of my life like that while my stepsiblings got to have fun. My mom claimed the reverse was true, but she could never say when.
I had no extended family. My dad bailed the second he found out my mom was pregnant with me, and his family didn’t want to get to know me either. We weren’t wealthy, so I didn’t do summer camps or extracurriculars. Maybe we could have afforded it if we weren’t spending money on places to stay while my stepsiblings visited their family.
I had hoped this would end when my stepsiblings moved out, but the year after the youngest one left, we still followed them out. This is only the second year we haven’t done it.
But my parents talk like they want to do it again, and the other day when they were discussing it, I blew up and said I won’t go with them again. We argued, and they told me my resentment was unfair and that I needed to let it go—that I don’t have a good reason to resent them.
I told them I’m allowed to resent them after they dragged me to another state, stuck me in sh%#$oles where I did nothing for weeks at a time, and made me go where I wasn’t wanted while all the other kids got to have fun. My parents told me that sometimes we do things for family. I said that was bull^*@t. AITA?
OP responded to some questions:
Traditional_Ad7109 says:
And your mom was onboard with this?
OP responded:
She went along with it and defended it whenever I tried talking to her, so yeah.
jess1804 says:
Why exactly couldn't you and your mother stay behind? Why exactly couldn't you guys do things again? You were cooped up doing nothing of course you resent them.
OP responded:
I guess my mom and stepdad didn't want to be apart. But he didn't even go originally and so I'm not sure why he started going or why we all had to go. We didn't have money to afford stuff so we stayed inside. That was always the excuse given.
What do you think?