'AITA for calling out my husband for how much fast food he eats in front of my family?'
"AITA for calling out my husband in front of my family for how much he spends on fast food?"
No_Selection_4964 writes:
My husband (32M) has been spending around $200 every week on fast food, mostly McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Subway. We are not in financial trouble, but I still think that is a ridiculous amount to spend on food that is not good for him.
I feel it could be spent more wisely, and we could always use more financial stability. I have even tried buying ready-made meals from a local place, but he often does not eat them, and then they go bad.
He is also struggling with his weight (around 300 lbs) and has noticeably less energy lately. We have a 2-year-old together, and I am currently 35 weeks pregnant. Even this far along, I still help around the house and work full time, just like he does. Our child is in daycare, so it is not as though I am asking him to cook for me every night.
I do most of the cooking for myself and our daughter. He usually does not eat what I make because he prefers spicier, more “done-up” meals, while I keep things simple. Sometimes he makes his own food, but most of the time he says it is easier to grab fast food. When I bring up the $200 per week, he gets defensive and says, “We would spend money on food anyway. This isn’t much more, and it’s convenient.”
I feel like that is just an excuse. It really does not take long to make a lunch the night before, especially if you cut down on phone time or something else. Meal prep is not fun, but I do it and avoid eating out (while carrying a baby, no less).
I worry about him, especially with his weight and energy issues, but he says I am overreacting and “nagging” about something that is his choice and not a big deal. This has been a point of contention for a long time. He often says he will get up and make his lunch, but then he does not.
I have talked to him about this issue many times, but nothing changes. He either gets defensive and it turns into an argument, or he promises to change and does not follow through. It has become extremely frustrating.
Last night, we were at my parents’ house. They are very health-conscious and against eating out for both financial and health reasons. Growing up, they were not unreasonable, we ate out here and there, but it was never an everyday thing.
They can be judgmental and are not shy about expressing their opinions. The topic of fast food came up, and I mentioned how much my husband spends each week and gave a rough cost estimate. As expected, they gave him a hard time about it and have continued to make comments, especially about finances.
Afterwards, he was furious with me. He said it is his choice, we have the money, and he can do what he wants. He has not been speaking to me since and is loudly making a point of announcing when he eats out. For example, today he told me there is no food in the fridge (there was, just not ready-made meals) and that he was going out to eat.
For context, I make more money and work just as many hours, so our household contributions are very equal. But I am worried about the future, since it is already reaching the point where he cannot participate in certain activities with our 2-year-old because of his weight.
So, AITA for calling him out in front of my family? And for being upset that he spends so much on fast food? I have tried talking to him about this many times, but nothing changes.
People could not agree in the comments of OP's post.
_goneawry_ says:
YTA. I actually agree with you that this is an issue for weight and health reasons, but you handled it wrong when brought your parents into a private conflict knowing that they would respond with judgement and criticism.
You scored some cheap points in the argument and got to be "right" for a minute, but as you can see moves like this erode trust and are ultimately counterproductive. Would you like him to hold your shortcomings up to his parents so they could have a go at you? If you're honest with yourself, what were you hoping this would accomplish?
H_Lunulata says:
Yes, YTA. Not so much for the expense issue, but attempting to humiliate someone in front of your family is more than a little evil. How would you take it if he called out your. weight/figure/habits in front of his family or friends?
ProfessionalCat7640 says:
ESH - Your husband needs a reality check for sure, but bringing this up in front of family like this seems purposefully humiliating and mean. I suspect it will have the opposite effect you were going for as well. Communication is so difficult but it is key.
Lucky_Volume3819 says:
The fact that he spends $200 a week on some of the blandest, most flavorless, plain food available determined that was a lie. NTA. That s^#t is all garbage with no upside and $800/month is an objectively insane amount of money to spend on those places. It's not even about being able to afford it or not. The consequences are evident in the fact that he weighs 300 pounds and will probably keep getting bigger.
What do you think?