'AITA for considering a relationship with a coworker (22) who is pursuing me, I'm 31?'
"AITA 31M for considering a relationship with a coworker 22F pursuing me?"
ClearAppearance1110 writes:
Advice on handling my coworker (22F) pursuing me (31M)? Let’s go back two years. I (29M at the time) changed career paths and entered a fairly young workplace with a mix of high schoolers, college students, and older employees. That’s where I met Amy (19/20F).
Right from the start, she was interested in me. Unaware of my age, she talked to me often, leaned on me, and wanted me to ask her out. She sensed that while I might have found her attractive, I wasn’t trying to pursue her.
I look young, and she probably saw me as a mature, attractive guy in my mid-twenties. I laughed off her interest. The attention was flattering, but I didn’t think much of it. I was focused on advancing in my career and moving up as quickly as possible. She wasn’t getting my attention in that way.
When she eventually found out my real age, she was shocked and seemed confused about why I hadn’t discouraged her earlier. I thought that would be the end of it. I kept focusing on my job. She began changing her schedule to match mine.
I continued talking to her and others as friends. I’ve given her and her friends career advice that some have taken and benefitted from. She often comes by my area, and while I admit I like the attention and she’s attractive, I’ve tried to keep my distance.
I’ve never said anything inappropriate, but maybe my body language or the way I make eye contact gives the wrong impression. Still, I figured I’d be moving on soon, so I didn’t overthink it.
A year in, she started dressing like me, buying the same clothes, and mimicking my personality. She began talking to my coworker and friend Bob (29M) and told him she thought I was cute. She also mentioned to me that she finds older guys attractive.
I told her to stop talking to Bob and to avoid pursuing men significantly older than her. I said she wouldn’t understand now, but when she’s older, she would. I even told her to ask her older sister if she didn’t believe me. She laughed and asked if Bob had told me everything. I didn’t mention what she had said about me.
She seems drawn to the idea of “a younger woman trying to attract a respectful older guy who doesn’t pursue her.” I look young for my age, which might play into it. She knows exactly how old I am now.
Fast forward to today, two years later. I’m about to move to a new workplace, and she’s still showing interest. She dresses attractively around me, seeks me out, and talks to me often. I keep our conversations professional and respectful, focusing on her life and goals.
I think she appreciates the difference between our conversations and the immature behavior she gets from some of the younger guys who hit on her. That said, after two years of this dynamic, I’ve started to notice that I’m enjoying it too.
I’m fully aware of the power imbalance, and I didn’t expect to feel this way, but I find myself drawn to the idea of “being kind and attentive to a younger woman.” Until now, I’ve only been attracted to women my age or older, and I didn’t realize how common it was for younger women to be interested in older men. I’m conflicted. Should I give it a chance, or should I completely distance myself before anything crosses a line?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
destro23 says:
Don't mess with coworkers.
CONF1D3NT1AL says:
NTA but work relationships can get messy fast.
LustyBaby69 says:
Big age gap + work setting = messy if it goes wrong. If you still want to explore it once you’ve moved, then do it the right way.
ImAnNPCsoWhat says:
You can try it out once you aren't at the same company as her. You're both adults. I would say I'd rather she was 25 but she can make her own choices. Chances are it won't work out anyway, most relationships don't.