"AITA for seeing friends/going to other things the day of my family's Christmas dinner?"
I am a woman in my late 20s, and I live with my parents and sister. My family has two separate celebrations for Christmas every year. One is where we have my brother and sister-in-law over, and another is on a different day where we have the whole family over.
One of my friends has just moved back into the area, and I had not seen her in a while, so I suggested we meet up on a particular morning. I am busy, and if I do not do that day, I will not be able to see her for a while. On the same day, later in the evening, I have a dance class that I attend weekly.
I mentioned to my mother that I was going to meet up with her and some other friends. She was unhappy, reminded me that we had Christmas dinner with my brother, and told me she had wanted my help that day getting ready. Her wanting help is reasonable, but I would be back by mid afternoon at the latest, which would leave me several hours to help her out. She was still not thrilled.
I later mentioned to my sister that I would still be going to dance that evening. It would be at the tail end of dinner, and they would still be there when I got back afterward. She clearly was not happy about that either.
Just so it is clear, I would be around to help in the afternoon and be there for dinner in the evening. My sister would also be around to help. We also have the main Christmas dinner later in the week, which I would be around to help with anything necessary. AITA for seeing my friends and going to my dance class that day?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Various-Ocelot-2209 says:
INFO I don't understand the timeline. You say you’ll be back mid afternoon, can help preparing for diner for several hours, attend the Christmas diner and go to dance class. That doesn’t add up unless your dance class is very late at night. Did you know about the dinner and dinner prep when planning an outing on the same day?
Were you involved in picking a date/did you agree to be there? Is participation in the dance class obligatory or you just don’t want to skip a class? I personally think it also depends on how much you contribute in other ways (both financially and in regard to cooking, grocery shopping, chores).
OP responded:
Okay, let me clarify the timeline - I expect to be home by 2:30 tops if not earlier. Dinner wouldn't be until 530-ish, dance is a bit later in the evening. I might have to cut out a bit early but I'd be able to see them more when I got back. I admittedly DID forget about the day when I planned to see people, that's on me.
I was not involved in picking a date, I was simply told when it was, and while I haven't talked to her about it my mother likely was aware it would be the case that I would dip for an hour when she chose it. Again, it IS just dinner with my brother/SIL. It's admittedly not mandatory attendance, I just don't want to skip it. They're doing some stuff that week I've been looking forward to for a while.
SatisfactionAntique5 says:
If you were male, would this be an issue?
now_you_see says"
The bigger YTA moment is you leaving the dinner to go to dance, what is that about? I’d be pretty annoyed about that if I were her. She slaves in the kitchen whilst you hang with friends then you eat and dip to go dance before the meal is even over? Where is the appreciation or gratitude?
What do you think?