‘AITA for slowly ruining my mom’s future over time piece by piece?”

"I plan on chipping away at my mother's ideal future, piece by piece."

SpudQueen06 writes:

My mother (45) and I (18, F) used to be close. We would walk to school, go to the park, ride bikes, sing, and dance. We did everything together. But now, it feels like we are just roommates who happen to know a lot about each other’s pasts.

For the past year or so, my mother has been constantly talking about the amazing life she plans to have. She dreams of a pretty house, a big backyard with a greenhouse, dogs, and grandchildren. She expects all of it to be paid for by my bank account.

At my previous job, she received an allowance. I paid for the rent, utilities, gas, fast food, movie tickets, and just about anything else she wanted. She always had her hand out and still managed to criticize how I spent money if it was not on her.

Any time I accomplished something, it went one of two ways. Either she did not care and found something to complain about, or she used it as proof of what a great parent she was. The truth is, her parenting was absent, especially during my teenage years when I needed her most. She talks about how she shaped me and claims I would be nowhere without her, but that simply is not true.

She told me more than once that she wanted to hit me. She yells constantly, even though she knows I have a severe and chronic hearing condition that causes pain, headaches, and even ear bleeding when I am exposed to loud noise for too long. She says yelling is the only way she can get through to me. I say it is cruel.

She tries to control everything I do, from how I dress and speak to how I organize my room and wash the dishes. She even tells me how to succeed in life, despite never having earned a high school diploma.

I trusted her once. I told her about my trauma that I experienced in my freshman year. I was 14, terrified, and unsure of what to do. I could not even hug a guy for a year. Even now, it stays with me.

When I told her, she said I should have spoken up sooner. She even said that if it happened to other girls at my school, it would be my fault. Since then, she has repeated the story to anyone who will listen, sharing every detail. I realized I could never trust her again.

I went through a cancer diagnosis, treatment, a physically abusive relationship, and a miscarriage all on my own. She still does not know, and she never will. I tried to repair things. I offered therapy, financial help, and other types of support. All I received in return was more yelling and screaming. So now, I am taking a different approach.

The house she wants so badly is the one I have decided to rent. The kitchen she dreams of tearing apart will be the one I use to cook homemade pasta. The fireplace she wants to sit by and watch television will be the place where I quietly let her go.

All I want from her is peace and minimal contact. Her dreams of earning a nursing degree, owning a home, driving a nice car, and having pets will become mine instead. Not because I am spiteful, but because I believe success is the best revenge.

OP got responses on their post.

OddScratch4812 says:

Success is indeed the best revenge. Continue to live your life to the fullest and most importantly, for yourself. You owe it to you. Keep shining, friend.

2dogslife says:

There's an old quote that living well is the best revenge. You don't have to chose her materialistic things as your lifetime achievement goal posts. Maybe you want to travel, maybe you want to get therapy so you can move past her bad parenting, maybe you want to watch the sun rise or set over water or mountains, maybe you want to mentor others at work, school, or as a Big Sister.